5 Signs You Are a Poly Monogamist

Couple Kissing in Bed

Being Neither Either/Or In Your Dreaming

Believe me, I totally accept and admit the (unfortunate? ha) truth that not everyone is polyamorous. I get it. And sure, every time I write a post here, I do it in the hope of educating someone who isn’t polyamorous to the wonderful ways and magical moments us poly folks know.

But now, it’s time to face some other crucial facts: some people are not strictly monogamous!

I think it was in one of the Kinsey Reports from the 1940’s, where Kinsey said there were around 7 types of sexualities, ranging from strictly heterosexual to strictly homosexual. In the middle were various ranges of seuxality, such as temporarily gay/lesbian (so-called “lipstick lesbians in college”, for instance), to bi-sexual and open to intimacy with both genders. That being said: why wouldn’t the same spectrum exist for monogamous and polyamorous people? It does, and it’s probably even easier to examine, since the reasons we poly folks choose to be polyamorous are probably easier to articulate than why homosexual (and some heterosexual) folks choose to be that way.

Somewhere Between Polyamory and Monogamy

Some people are, as the term goes: “monogamish”, meaning “not strictly monogamous, but not exclusively non-monogamous”. And those lovely people are requested to stand and be counted!

1. You can’t bother to be jealous anymore. You’d rather just focus on something else good in life while you wait for your lover’s inevitable return. You have enough faith and self-esteem to not feel like envy or jealousy serves any valuable purpose to your heart or your relationship.

2. You are deeply curious about swingers clubs, sex-positive gatherings, erotic subcultures and such, and have considered transitioning from voyeur to participant!

3. You want your partner to find happiness, by any means necessary. Even if it requires them spending some time with someone else besides you. You are willing to reduce your quality time with your partner because they may need some space and time alone or with someone whose energy provides something you don’t.

4. You find yourself subconsciously or subtly dissatisfied and unfulfilled by the previous patterns of relationship and sexuality you grew up with in life, and you are seeking new philosophies, teachers and ideas in love and relationship.

5. You are holding space to allow multiple relationships to manifest in your intimate or emotional life, and you feel no problem with it happening inside you, even if somebody else has a problem. You don’t care, because you’re too busy loving all these other people!.

Believe me, the signs may not be there just now… but if YOU are one of those insane free spirits who may already be growing into this type of undefined, grey area, blurred belief system for people, I send you on your merry way with a hug and a smile! I trust we shall cross paths in due time. And for everyone who is curious about polyamory or non-monogamy, don’t be afraid to ask us any of your questions! We’re here to help.

Become one of us, and you will accept that you will be any, and maybe all, of these things as your love life grows and shrinks and contracts and expands infinitely! It’s never all one thing… it’s a whole lot of everything, eventually. Accept it all!

In love,
Addi Stewart

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6 years ago

Great article. To the point and truthful. Full of honesty and love for all people. I’ve known for a long time (years) that I am bi but that was MY secret. It still is and probably will always be to everyone I know. However, I came out to my husband of 6 yrs and was speechless when he smiled and said…WOW, can I join in? I couldn’t believe it. This man has low self esteem, huge heart, loves you completely and is no social butterfly…SHY!! I stood and looked at him with new eyes and said oh yeah baby and… Read more »

6 years ago
Reply to  Lisa

What a beautiful story, Lisa! Thanks so much for sharing with our poly readers. Sometimes we underestimate how those we love will react to our true desires, true selves. Wishing you much love in your new adventures!

Poppy Michaels
Poppy Michaels
6 years ago

Great article. Certainly applies but that doesn’t make it any easier to implement unfortunately!!

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