I Have Distrust Issues, and It Shows
Recently, I made a dream come true. I participated in a burlesque show that was fantabulous beyond description! I would first like to thank Unapologetic Burlesque, and my magnificent co-performer Priya (names have been changed to protect the beautiful) for inviting me into her wonderful world and for creating such a powerfully inspiring and enlightening sexual experience!
I could write about the phenomenon that is burlesque or the erotic education it provides to curious, kinky, non-conservative souls in life, but instead I’d like to focus on a heart-warming truth that was born in the midst of my virginal burlesque bonanza: I felt like I was injected with trust… ON STEROIDS!
How far have you taken a brand-new relationship in a short period of time? What let you give another person the space and energy to carry your relationship to unexplored and unconventional vistas of new truth, joy, adventure, and danger? What makes you TRUST someone with your emotions, your reputation, and even your body? This is a story about a boy who gave the seed of his trust to a beautiful angel who planted it in her revolutionary dreams where a blossom of hot sexy awesomeness exploded forth from the fertile ground that was the warm, inviting stage of the Gladstone Hotel in Toronto.
Polyamory requires oodles and oodles of trust, acceptance, forgiveness, and faith to exist and persist through the twists and turns that are so inherent to this balance of untraditional bliss. There’s no way a person can live through the day, sleep good at night, and wake up happy the next morning, if they’re conducting a polyamourous partnership that does not rest firmly on a foundation of TRUST. Imagine the jealousy, paranoia, rage, and insecurity of a cheating husband over an executive, jet-setting wife… and multiply it by however many lovers you secretly desire to fuck. Not a pretty picture, even if nobody has cheated. Without trust, no relationship really exists beyond a facade of delicate clichés and empty illusions. But I trust my heart, and I trust the people my heart is attracted to.
Trust on steroids: rock hard!
So, after knowing Priya for all of one week, she asked me if I would participate in her upcoming burlesque performance. She wanted me to play a policeman, symbolizing power and oppression. Exploring my life as an extremely sexual and fearless love beast deluxe, I immediately said, “YES! PLEASE!!” Even though I had never performed burlesque (in the Moulin Rouge tradition), I had performed countless times as a hip hop MC (sometimes very sexually, I might add) and even as an exotic dancer (you aren’t allowed to see the footage yet.) Exciting!
Then came the Trust Test. Priya asked, “Would you mind wearing a strap-on dildo while being topless?” I paused for one half of a split-second… “No problem! That sounds even BETTER than what I first imagined, ha ha!”
So, with a week before showtime and one week after our first introduction, I was bound to honoring my promise to perform on stage as a police officer wearing a strap-on dildo while a beautiful lady prisoner sings in front of me. Try-curious folks with trust issues need not apply!
In our first practice session, Priya brought the strap-on over to my place and wrapped it around my waist. A perfect fit! This hypersexual seduction experience was written in the stars! We rehearsed the show and gathered our props. A few days later… we were ready for showtime!
Whether it’s a wordless performance requiring the perfect execution or trusting that no other semi-nude performer will make you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome, it all looks different in your head until you’re standing in the moment of truth with your glistening abdomen exposed before a packed room. After enjoying a magnificent pageant of boundary breaking erotic goddesses and divine dancers of all sexual orientations and identities, it was our turn.
There I was: shirtless, nipples exposed, lightly bronzed, cop badge hanging on a metal necklace, ominous and anonymous black sunglasses, beat cop cornered hat, 8-inch caucasian-flesh colored dildo in hand like a head-bashing billy club, and a white strap-on harness around my pelvis with a 6-inch psychedelic black and red swirled cock protruding out the hole where my penis would normally go. And there Priya was (my lovely, trustworthy partner) in a sinuous black leather jacket, a thin black skirt, a black body-squeezing corset, and scrotum-puncturing fuck-me pumps.
Our song came on: “Criminal” by Fiona Apple. Splendid.
Priya was led on stage by Officer Addi Stewart, the Black Bad Lieutenant. I abruptly escorted her to the microphone, stood her in position, then aggressively unzipped her leather jacket. I threw it to the ground as she stood there, frozen and aghast. Then I grabbed her by the waist, ripped her skirt down towards the floor, thus removing one protective layer from her voluptuous body. Then, I handcuffed her as she stepped to the microphone and sang, “I’ve been a bad, bad girl…”
As Priya’s mellifluous voice permeated the venue of stunned onlookers, I silently stood back, beating my left hand with the dildo and glaring through sunglasses at this criminal woman who had the audacity to sing so beautifully. I started lip-synching along at the end, like a policeman who’s been brainwashed to come over to the good side. I acted infuriated by her sexy propaganda singing and slammed a folding chair down behind her. Then I grabbed the top of her head and forced it down towards my psychedelic cock. A moment of utter trust and faith must exist for this type of powerful connection to occur without emotional damage. Priya complied and performed a bit of oral sex on my dildo while I tilted my head back and laughed maniacally. She looked up with Bambi eyes, and put her still-handcuffed hands together in prayer formation. I looked to the crowd for approval, which they gave. That’s when I stopped laughing and began to smile like any corrupt police officer would after getting a free blowjob. I uncuffed Priya gently, hoping to receive further gratification from my precious prisoner. She delivered by kissing me ever so softly on the lips. And while my guard was down, Priya spun around behind me, took the handcuffs, and locked my hands from behind! The crowd went WILD with support for her defiant takeover of the metaphorical embodiment of all sexually-depraved authority. She led a defeated, shirtless, dildo-wearing handcuffed police officer off stage, basking in the vengeful glory of sexual liberation and the victory of her body’s freedom.
It was a powerful, controversial, and explosive piece of burlesque. I learned more than I ever imagined about how others perceive symbols of power, sex and authority; and how much they TRUST other friends, artists and performers to respect the boundaries of creativity in the maintenance of emotional safety. I loved it and look forward to my next burlesque performance with erect anticipation!
Ultimately, this was an advanced trust-building experience that easily could have exploded into a relationship-ending fiasco with additional fallout beyond the moment. But it wasn’t. Instead it was an opportunity to build my feminine/masculine intuition by trusting that Priya would not lead me into the depths of public embarrassment hell. She helped create a concrete core of fundamental faith in who I am. Even though the performance wasn’t flawless (her skirt got stuck on her high heel, and I was a bit too gratuitously grimy while receiving my extorted fellatio), we still trusted each other enough to go through with it. And (most of) the people absolutely loved it. So, with that being said, we went upstairs and got undressed. I wanted to watch the rest of the amazing experience that is Unapologetic Burlesque… but not while wearing a strap-on two-color rubber cock!
So, in the immortal words of another angelic polyamorous lover of mine: BE THRUSTWORTHY.
Yes, you read that right, ha ha. Whether or not you’re wearing a strap-on dildo for a burlesque show with a sexy singer, this is an eternal truth to live and love by:
An honorable polyamorist is not only trust-worthy, but also THRUST-worthy.
Always in Love,