Age and Dating Discrimination

Ageism Ain’t Nothing But a Number (to Forget)

The term ‘ageism’ isn’t used very frequently, but it’s a problem that exists in our society on a serious level. What is ‘ageism’?

“Ageism (also spelled “agism”) is stereotyping and discriminating against individuals or groups on the basis of their age. This may be casual or systematic. The term was coined in 1969 by Robert Neil Butler to describe discrimination against seniors, and patterned on sexism and racism.” – Wikipedia

And that is the central issue we are dealing with here: a negative behavior towards other humans akin to sexual discrimination and racial discrimination. And there is very little love, understanding, trust or space in discriminatory behavior. Ageism is the idea that a girl in her mid-twenties should not be sleeping with a guy in his mid-forties. Ageism is thinking a woman in her fifties should not be going on dates in the park with a guy in his thirties. Ageism is believing it’s wrong for people further than any specific age to be having sex or conducting any kind of relationship beyond business or friends. And I don’t support this judgemental philosophy in ANY way, shape or form!

Age Differences in Polyamory Relationships

What’s “wrong” with people from different levels of life sharing their souls and hearts and minds and bodies? There is ONE over-arching principle in ALL relationships that cements the possibility of healthy connection: CONSENT. Period. Case closed! If we are dealing with individuals who are of legal age (which is determined by your local government laws and socio-cultural values) and of sound mind and body, then there is NO judgement, opinion or thought that should interfere with the bond being born between two (or more) people. She may be a 61-year-old Portugese-French Canadian immigrant who happens to be wildly attracted to a 36-year-old Chinese-Jamaican music journalist. On the surface, some people may think they “know” the potential relationship between these two would not last because they think the couple are far too “mismatched”, but that’s purely negative speculation and pessimistic judgement. Who knows the balance they bring to each other? Who knows what they need in life at this particular moment? Who knows how happy they make each other? And why should age be a reason to separate their dreams to explore another wonderful possible connection of discovering a particular personality in life?

If we think we have evolved so far as a civilization that race shouldn’t be a factor, and class shouldn’t be a factor, then age shouldn’t either!

Why it is seen as “wrong” in many eyes, is the unspoken problem across ALL relationships, not just ones with unique age factors. When you start dealing with relationships BASED ON EXPLOITATION, then factors like age, race and economics start really making people uncomfortable, unsupportive and more judgemental. Sometimes with good reason. In situations such as “sugar daddy/sugar mama” relationships, the exploitation of a person’s value based strictly on a sexual/economic/physical levels are primarily the reason people get upset. For instance, a scheming 21-year-old blonde college student milking all the money out of some 70-year-old infirmary-ridden, hopeless romantic older man. If the FOUNDATION of the relationship is based on the money she takes from him, and not the love and joy they share when they are together, then the core of the problem has been located. Now, if the basis of the relationship is for her to spend his money, and he does not care whatsoever just as long as she spends quality time with him, and he is not delusional or been lied to, about either one of their intentions in the potential of the relationship, then once again, I would not judge a 21-year-old for going out with a 70-year-old. I hope they both treat each other respectfully and wonderfully, learn lots of new things from each other’s differences and similarities, and have as much healthy, safe and happy love and sex and memories as they possibly can imagine together! And that’s all there is to it. I hope the same for everyone of every age and in every connection.

It doesn’t make it “okay” for ANY relationship exploitation to happen, just because “the people involved are of the same or similar age”. It’s NOT cool that some douchebag twenty-something fratboy sexually exploits and emotionally manipulates some lovelorn twenty-something sorority girl just because they have many similar life statistics!

Ageism is the new racism/sexism. And polyamory has magnificent potential to destroy all “isms,” including ageism, and open the door to real loving relationships in life that are FAR above and beyond the typical connections and choices we think we have to be in.

Some of the greatest lovers of your life may be found extremely far outside your social circle or your realm of familiarity. This is a good thing.

True Love is timeless. And AGELESS!

Meet your next poly partner today at!

In love,
Addi Stewart

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