How to Find a Third for Your Threesome

Couples who want to find a threesome may discover that meeting a third is complicated.

While just about everyone fantasizes about threesome sex—one of the most popular, and common fantasies for all genders and all sexual orientations—the logistics can get tricky.

To find a threesome, a couple has to find a willing third, someone who just happens to be bisexual or bi-curious and looking for no-strings-attached threeway sex. To find a threesome, said person also needs to be attracted to you, your wife, or to both of you. They don’t call this creature the “unicorn” without reason!

Finding a threesome starts with your decision as a couple to have one.

Read: How to Ask for a Threesome the Right Way

This is an exciting step in your relationship and the anticipation means steamy nights head. But how to find a third?

8 Ways to Find a Threesome

If you’re looking to find your first threesome or find a threesome for the umpteenth time, connecting the dots is the hard part. But see it as an exciting part of the journey and the experience together, and enjoy the process of meeting and chatting with potential thirds. Be patient—ecstasy awaits!

1. Put your intentions out to the universe.

Wishing out loud for a unicorn isn’t about a leprechaun appearing to grant you a pot of gold. It’s about making your intention known, or being open to possibilities. If other people know you are open to threesomes, they’ll think of you when the topic comes up. If they think you are against the idea, they will politely refrain from mentioning it.

We get that you can’t be in a boardroom meeting about inflation solutions wearing a dayglo orange “Find Us a Unicorn” T-shirt. Nor do you want to be at a holiday dinner and announce, “Mom, Dad, we’re looking for a threesome.”

But being as open as possible when appropriate opens doors. If no one knows you are polyamorous or no one knows you are kinky, chances of connecting to like minded people is slim.

Read: How To Find a Unicorn for a Couple

2. Join threesome dating sites.

If you’re hoping for three tickets to paradise, your very best bet is to get online and make your intentions known. Let other people looking for dating and sex know that you are a couple who wants to find a threesome.

Niche dating websites can work wonders if you tailor your profile and express your intentions. But the best online dating option is a threesome dating site. It stands to reason that the other people there are also hoping to find a threesome, so get chatting!

Read: Best Threesome Dating Sites for Couples

3. Think about potential threesome partners in your circle.

Mine the social connections you already have that could potentially mean finding a threesome.

Think about who you know. Are there polyamorous people who volunteer with you at the food bank? Are the Joneses known to go on swinger cruises? Is the cute new barista with all the tattoos fairly candid about her liberated sexual adventures?

None of this guarantees you’ll find a threesome. But people that you know may be open to threesomes are far more likely to be looking for a threesome than people who never have them. Just saying.

4. Don’t rule anyone out.

On the other hand, we know very little about other people’s private lives. Some people are discreet, or prefer to lay low. They aren’t necessarily keeping anything secret—we all have different personalities.

Your pastor might be into all kinds of fetishes, and your shy secretary may have just had the threesome you are hoping to find.

5. Consider past partners, or other current lovers.

If you’re polyamorous, you might find a threesome with one of your or your partner’s lovers. Who has already expressed threesome fantasies, or interest in your partner? Who do you love and trust to ask?

Maybe your wife’s ex is a trusted friend with a vivid imagination. Maybe your ex-wife is feeling adventurous.

Networks of lovers are a natural place to find a threesome. Some poly couples have boundaries or no-go zones about sleeping with a metamour, or a no-ex policy, or other protective boundaries to prevent emotional complications.

But not all past or present lovers are potential minefields—some are potential gold mines!

6. Mix and mingle.

Get out more, and go to parties, clubs, meetups and events with people who are interested in exploring their sexuality.

Read: How to Find Group Sex Parties and Events

7. Be open to a man for your third.

Most male-female couples looking to find a threesome are looking for a bisexual woman. The MFF is wildly popular for men and women. But what would you do if a hot woman approached you and said she was dying to be sandwiched between you and her hubby?

Many women love loving other women and also are excited by the idea of your excitement making love to another woman. But you can amp up the chances of finding a threesome by being open to her fantasy of getting fucked by two dudes.

Read: 5 Reasons to Try an MMF Threesome

8. Practice your threesome proposition.

It doesn’t hurt to ask. You can express interest to anyone who you both find attractive or interesting, just as anyone can approach someone in hope of a one-on-one date. But you don’t want to come across as creepy, desperate, sleazy, or inappropriate.

Practice in advance what you will say and how you will say it if you see someone you’re both hoping to see more of. Decide who will make the approach and exactly what will be said.

In my personal opinion, the best approach is direct, candid, and respectful. Don’t talk in circles and hope you’ll find a threesome by someone reading your mind. Try something like, “Hi. My husband and I both find you attractive. I’m wondering if you’d like to join us for a drink?”

Read: How to Pick Up a Third for Your Threesome

Do you have experience finding threesomes? Please share!

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So, you find yourself in what many would say is an enviable situation: your partner wants to have a threesome with you!

If life were a porn movie, the front door would swing open, and a nubile young vixen would come sauntering in to apply for the job. But alas, just agreeing on the fantasy you want to act out isn’t enough: now you need to seek out a willing third.

Choose Your Third Partner Carefully

Careful, now: if you go about searching for a third the wrong way, this could all blow up in your face/ There are a few things to keep in mind, and at the top of your list should be your partner’s emotional well-being.

Remember: this might be your long-time dream, but toning it down a notch could ensure your partner is equally eager. For starters, it’s safe to assume that choosing a smoking hot third, while possibly appealing to you both, might be cause for the jealousy and insecurity alarm bells to go off during the act and afterward.

Best to let your partner have final say in the selection, as long as you’re happy too. That way, the idea that you’re harbouring any forethought about wanting to get with a specific person can be ruled out in her mind. It’s also a great way to allow her to feel she’s maintaining control.

Should Your Third be a Stranger or a Friend?

Sex therapist Ian Kerner suggests that approaching a friend or acquaintance for a threesome can be very tricky, since  “you have to be prepared for them to say no — and for some awkwardness if they do, including the end of the relationship.”

Kerner states that it might be better to consider hiring a prostitute for a one-off good time. He claims that, “It’s a more cut-and-dried relationship, which eliminates a lot of the emotional messiness.”

What he says makes perfect sense – there’s little to worry about in the jealousy department if the extra person in the bedroom is there out of financial motivation.

How to Find a Third Online

I’m a great believer in threesome dating sites for hooking up with people who fit this specific niche. It’s easy to maintain your privacy too, which is especially important if your partner is iffy to begin with. Just fill out a profile describing who and what the two of you are looking for, and browse the site until you find her – then it’s as simple as a well-worded email proposing a meet-up for drinks.

Don’t waste anyone’s time – be clear from the get-go that you’re both looking for a third for a one-time threesome, and that you’re happy to send pictures privately to any interested women.

Flatter her in your message, and let her know it’s not just you, but also your partner who’s interested. A great approach is to have your partner send a quick, light and flirty email first so your potential third knows this is the real deal. The you can follow up with a more descriptive message of your own, acknowledging your connection with your partner and outlining your mutual interest.

Invite her to meet the two of you for a drink and take it from there.

Read: Best Threesome Dating Sites for Couples

How to Pick Up a Third for a Threesome

While a lot of couples do prefer going the online route of finding a third, you may also want to try picking up a third in “real life”. There’s nothing quite as exhilarating as going out on the prowl, checking possibilities out in the flesh, and bringing someone home that night.

Try these tips for picking up a woman for a threesome, live and in person. Whether you find success or not, the thrill of the possibility adds new excitement to your love life.

1. Plan Ahead

Of course, planning and sex doesn’t sound very hot, but a little chit chat before you go out on the town can prevent awkward and embarrassing moments later. Decide what kind of third you both want (man or woman, age-range), who will approach this person, and what kind of veto rules you want in place.

Also discuss what kind of threesome thrill you want. Will you both engage with your third or only one of you, and if so, will your partner be watching or relegated to another room. Expressing your desires and fantasies beforehand will enable things to run more smoothly.

2. Have Fun

You can’t be too serious about going out to find a third because there’s always a chance it won’t happen. Clubs, parties, and sex-themed events are your best bets. Look your best and boost each others’ confidence.

3. Take Your Time

Walking up to a person and asking if they’re DTF probably isn’t going to work. Actually, it isn’t. Enjoy the atmosphere and mingle. Picking up on signs of flirtation and body language will help you know who might be interested in extending the evening.

4. Practice Threesome Safety

Remember, going to someone’s place that you’ve just met can pose a risk and vice versa, so while you may meet a potential third, they may want to get to know you better before they sign up for a threesome, which is completely acceptable. Good things come to those who wait!

5. Have a Back-Up Plan

You’re not going to always find a threesome on these outings but just the idea, and the scouting with your partner, and the flirting when trying to should be enough to turn the both of you on. So while you may be going home as a couple, there’s no reason to waste your sexual energy.

What tips can you offer when looking for a third?