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It gets complicated sometimes. You’re with a lover and you’re in some sexy, mature, advanced public location where irresistible bodies and irresistible opportunities collide in front of your eyes… and eventually, in your hands! And feet, and other irresistible body parts… and then, the energy exchange and emotional overlap happens, and… damn! What to do? Or more precisely, who? Not even facetiously, but seriously: not every time that multiple bodies combine are all the intentions even and balanced and communicated clearly. Sometimes it’s just acceptable enough to continue, but unspoken little intimate events happen to come to the surface of the sexual chemistry connection, and inexperience, hesitation, confusion, discomfort, curiosity, irresponsibility, desire, or acceptance may be the motivators of the pleasure that is entered next… and each person has their own experience and judgement of what that special moment is worth.

But… have you ever slipped up?

When the intentions of the connection are not so healthy, and greed and control are the motivators of the motions between multiple people… what do you do?

The next day, when you wake up, regardless of if you had sex with multiple people, cuddled with multiple people, kissed multiple people, or just engaged with bodies that were not part of your traditional arrangements, how do you react? How do you, or even DO you, take responsibility for these little moments?

There are myriad ways to deal with this situation, and I really do not want to cast judgement on anyone who doesn’t speak up fully about what happens between lovers, because that is truly the main negotiation point between poly partners: who they can play with, and when and where. And I can’t compare my system to anyone else’s in a value measurement way, even if my way of loving multiple people leaves me with no regrets, no arguments, and no shortage of foursomes, threesomes, fantasies come true, and SO much more, ha.

I do not cast my lovers into the pit of forsaken shame and denial for changing their commitment to connection in chaotic moments of magic.

But, some people fess up. It’s cool to do that. Apologize if you felt greedy, manipulative, less-than-integral, shady, corrupt or even malicious and jealous. There are no real rules except for what we choose as the referees of how and where we play with each other, but there are regulations. And there are reasons why we are really wise to adhere to these responsible choices to clear one’s consciousness of choices in sexuality that might impact other lovers, whether or not they actually cause the impact you think it does or not. Maybe you spent some extra time in the embrace of someone else, and kinda extended the experience to make someone else in the vicinity feel some kind of envy and subsequent friction attraction or even something temporarily opposite? It happens. And far worse. People use each other in polyamory, just like in monogamy. I’m not going to lie, even if I go on record saying that I LOVE every single one of my lovers in the healthiest and happiest way possible. The ways I slip up are more with time management (sometimes, and more rarely now than ever) but NOT with sexual contact. That is negotiated clearly and openly with every single woman in my life, and I cherish the experiences that unfold from such honesty.

It gives me lots of practice learning how to forgive.

In love with the self-forsaken,
Addi Stewart

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