Writing a good profile, whether you’re a primary looking for a third or a single looking to join a couple, is imperative. In an earlier post I wrote Profile Writing Tips for Couples. Now I’m going to discuss what poly turn offs to avoid when writing a profile. Sometimes a turn off can be something very specific and unavoidable (e.g. you have a pet snake and your possible match is terrified of the slithery creatures), but others are easy to avoid.
Polyamory Profile Turn Offs
People use crappy photos on dating sites, a lot! I still don’t get this. Don’t use old photos – pictures taken years ago or that don’t look like you now because you gained weight, changed your facial hair, got a neck tattoo, etc. I recommend not choosing your best photo. There’s nothing worse than seeing someone that doesn’t live up to their profile image. And use at least one close-up. If you’re a couple, please include multiple pics of both of you.
If you’re a poly couple looking for a third, it makes more sense to have two profiles. Yes, you’re a couple, but you are also individuals with individual interests and a third will want to see that. That single may only want to date one of you and want to only respond initially to that person. Place a link from your profile to that of your primary partners’.
As poly spreads into mainstream society and onto mainstream dating sites like Plenty of Fish and OkCupid, there’s a good chance that new poly adventurists are checking out your profile. What they know about the lifestyle may vary, but you don’t want to turn off someone with an overly pushy profile.
There is no point in lying on a profile. It may get you more messages and in person meetings, but when someone finds out you’ve lied they’ll bolt because trust has been broken before anything has begun. We all have faults and idiosyncrasies, but the right partner(s) will embrace these and love you for who you are. Never pretend you aren’t poly and already in a relationship until you meet someone, and don’t say you have poly experience if you don’t.
Being specific is a must for all online daters, especially polys because there are more possibilities of how a relationship(s) will be defined. Your chances of success will increase if you are clear about your current situation and what you’re looking for. If you’re only looking for a woman, say so. If you only want someone willing to date both primaries in your relationship, state that as well. Don’t waste time and energy meeting people only to find out it’s a bad match because there was a misunderstanding.
Simplicity is good when writing profiles. You don’t want to give an overwhelming amount of detail that will either make you look egotistical or that leaves nothing to the imagination. But you also don’t want to turn off a match because there’s a lack of important information. Be descriptive about yourself and your current relationship or situation. Talk about your polyamory experience or lack of. Imagine what someone would want to know about you and work that into your profile.
Polys: What turns you off when reading online dating profiles?