Polyamory Breakups, Breakdowns, and Breakaways

There’s no one way to do anything, whether it’s making love or making enemies! Whether it’s having a permanent break from a problematic relationship, or having a partial readjustment with new boundaries negotiated.

I’m not in high school anymore, so I try to stay away from the “woe is me, all is doomed, burn their castle to ashes” type of breakups, where every separation seems like the absolute end of the universe. It’s not the way, especially in polyamory.

I recently experienced devastating pain and suffering in a special relationship, and it’s hard to know what to do next. We have an almost perpendicular fundamental ideological difference of perspective, and after a full year of trying with all my might, diplomacy, patience and kindness, I still feel that there is no progress in relation to vital values and basic beliefs crucial to being in a polyamorous relationship with me.

It can’t be just words said. People have to be able to practice their promises with purpose. As much as we love each other, she has been having problems practicing the trust and faith in polyamory, and she has been frightened that I will leave for this entire past year. I’m still here, but last night there was a breakdown.

It was a clear and unmistakable revelation about the state of our relationship. And now we are at a crossroads where I have felt a BREAKDOWN with her, that led to thinking about a BREAKAWAY, but not exactly a BREAKUP. I think they are all various stages of each other, and depending on the perspective one has about their relationship, you may use the meanings similarly or differently than myself.

All of this doesn’t mean I don’t love her or want her in my life. I just need to be real about things, especially if she doesn’t care to want to respect a particular poly situation in my heart. It’s a vicious cycle to solve, and I don’t know where it stops or how…

I just know that love will be holding whatever is broken.


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