Polyamorists Dating Monogamists

When Poly Likes Mono: Primary Colors/Secondary Lovers

Polyamory is a beautiful, blessed, and boundless way to live one’s love life and healthily navigate the unimaginably insane terrain that is modern dating, engagement, and marriage. It really is a wonderful way of life and may be the best option on earth for individuals who want to explore alternate realities of alternate fantasies. The Poly Path is a dream come true for libertine hedonists, curious cats, dirty dogs, pleasure seekers, love addicts, and any sort of sexual philosopher thinking outside the wedding ring box.

But that being said: the best part of being polyamorous is: the choice to NOT be poly.

What if I found someone and wanted to “settle (the extrasexual activity) down”? Not “settle down my soul” and change my essence and reject the advances of affectionate individuals and restrain my desire to send joy and truth and gentle connections with the various people I meet in a day… I mean, just “settle down” and take a step off the poly path for a while? As in: just enjoy time with one primary lover, and take that relationship to the heights that one can only discover by journeying there together? That’s perfectly fine, isn’t it?

Yes. That’s what has come to mind, lately. After meeting an angel at a No-Pants Party, I have found myself enraptured by a goddess who I share extramagical chemistry with. My mind has been slightly reducing the amount of polyamorous thoughts and passions that arise, and I feel amazingly okay with it. I try not to sound like a self-righteous slag pretentiously pissing all over monogamy and marriage as I write this, but I just want to point out the shortcomings of the social system and the relationship structure we have been using for the last few centuries, and add some improvements to it if possible. As I always say:

knowledge of self is the way to heaven on earth in love.

I’ve been asking myself: do I reject lovers who come to me, if they aren’t the one I’m swooning for? Do I pursue things with her because I want to spend more time with her and make love with her? Do I wait until she knows what she wants to create with me? Do I do whatever I want and just wait until we connect again and then discuss how she feels about “us”? I don’t really have the perfect answer. I know I’m going to do TWO things:

1) Be honest with myself and with her, and

2) Follow my heart.

So who knows where my Love will wind up this summer! I might be a man witnessing polyamory from a more removed location than the usual front lines of joy! But if that’s the case, then I shall be reporting live from paradise, where I shall regale all with tales of love beyond limit, and passion without parallel… I haven’t had a “primary” lover in YEARS! And I personally am not sure if I even support the idea of a “primary” partner with a hierarchical arrangement of invitation for all other potential “secondary” partners in my life. But I cannot deny the power of the chemistry I share with this angelwoman. I will not! So, I will let you know where my dreams go from here, dear readers!

Will it work out where her and I balance perfectly and take Love to places it’s never known before, or will it become something else beyond description because we’re dealing with things we can’t comprehend clearly, with her being the unique creature she is, and me being the love machine monster deluxe that I always imagined I would become… who knows where this chemistry experiment will take us?

I don’t know, but it feels like if she asks me to curb my enthusiasm for other lovers… I would probably say yes. It’s not a sacrifice if you’re gaining more than you’re losing! And this connection is MAGIC. Pure, absolute magic. Wish me luck!

Always in love,
Addi Stewart