Perception vs. Reality in Polyamory Dating

Perception isn’t reality in real actual reality, but as the infamous yet anonymous saying goes: there’s levels to this shit. Especially with this gosh-darned, dad-gummed internet thingamajig farting around the world the way it does.

Perception shapes reality as easily as “relationship status” on Facebook, and realizing how many people take that shit SERIOUSLY, and how many people gauge their approach or lack thereof, on whether a person has a Facebook status set to “single” or an OKCupid profile with a good compatibility percentage, a hot swipe right on Tinder, or so and as it goes these days.

The way others’ perception is shaped by a variety of external variables can determine their pattern of interaction with you as well as decide just how real or fake they get.

Some people love to spend their time cultivating the image that they are hypersexual or erotically available, but if and when they were to be directly questioned and approached about it, they would get vague, defensive, and mysterious. Ultimately, their narrative may even continue to grow, because some people believe that a hidden sex life might be a wild sex life.

Perception isn’t fact, and in polyamory the perception that one is with many partners can be used to one’s advantage if they are not of stable moral upstanding character and moral turpitude, but to do such a thing is to be a “player” instead of polyamorous, and that’s not something we endorse here.

This is not some PUA sarging bullhickey. This is using the facts of the truth and the entirety of your emotional clarity, and shining a light on that shit like its the Bat Signal over Gotham City. There comes a point in time where being mysterious, ambiguous, anonymous and even irresponsible with ghosting shit, is not coolio whatsoever.

To be perceived properly is one of the first steps in practicing polyamory in a positive fashion. Knowing one’s self— boundaries, strengths and weaknesses, kinks, desires and fantasies. All of these things are bricks in the foundation of self-awareness, that allows one to begin moving to a new place of sexual curiosity, possibly… if that’s the stage you are at. I know I am!

This progress can’t happen with liars, exploiters, deceivers, manipulators, power trippers, gaslighters, egotistical people, and such and such. To exist in alignment with how one’s polyamory community perceives one’s emotional state and status is a blessing to reach, and a joy to maintain.

There are things that happen that change one’s status and thus affect the way of their public perception. Beyond that, work with what is in your control. Work it, girlfriend! Carve space, take time, do the damn thang!

And why do I bring up all this stuff about perception, and how polyamorous people must be aware of it to the degree that they personally feel important to feel it on? Because of monogamous judgement, sexual-liberating shaming, and public slander of polyamory.

Perception isn’t reality, but it sure can affect reality.


Tell us what you think

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments