Play with my Junk, not my Mind!
We’re all guilty of it at some point. MIND GAMES.
- How long will I make them wait before I return their their phone call?
- How many times will I delay my own desires just to control theirs?
- Will they answer my ridiculous demands and pseudo-illogical questions?
- Can they ever learn when I’m not messing with their emotions and security?
- How much frustration will this person take from me before they explode in tears?
We all went to high school where we played some silly mind games with someone we felt confusing, conflicting or concentrated emotions for, and didn’t know how to handle them from either the inside or the outside. So we let our ego take the wheel and drive the whole damn situation into a ditch, where we could blame someone else for something else and then play some other distracting mind game to delay the arrival to the destination both people thought they were heading towards.
It’s Frustration City: population—YOU!
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Genuine polyamory has none of those things in it. There’s no reason or need to play mind games with those you love. (Except if you’re in some kinky BDSM scene and it’s all about psychological mindfuckery… THEN it’s allllll good!)
Polyamory kinda fosters internal mind games, to be brutally honest. You’re not even close to human-like if you don’t ask yourself hmm, how do I feel about this person, compared to how I feel about that person? or what would they think if they knew about this aspect of my relationship with this other person I’m with?
But the good thing about REAL polyamory is: you DO NOT have to compare or compete relationships, so there is NO NEED to play games to make things equal or unequal. There is no need to limit experiences with one lover because you fear how it will impact your feelings with another lover… not if you’re not playing games with yourself and with their heart. Leave that song in the 90’s with the Backstreet Boys!
Mind games come from people who fall into the trap of feeling jealousy and envy, or who suffer from a lack of communication, and most definitely: ego insecurity spiralling out of control!
When people feel like they’re not loved or appreciated, they devise plans and tricks and schemes that they think will bring the appropriate attention their way, and it’s futility in full effect. Because the results of any mind game played are not REAL victories. They are illusory advances that are actually steps backwards in the evolution of the relationship.
People waste quality time that could be spent solving the actual problem with circuitous and dead-end mind games that do nothing but trick their partner into losing their dignity and losing their autonomy through falling for the bait set in the mind-game trap.
I don’t even know the extent of mind games that are played in these modern times (mind games on Snapchat! mind games with Tinder! mind games on Periscope even!) but I know that the essence of mind games are withholding truth to use manipulation and lies as a connection tool instead of genuine fact and honest emotion.
Polyamory mind games can get super complex and devious, but I can’t condone you becoming the type of person to be the uncivilized jungle cat toying with someone’s heart like a meek li’l mouse, and then devouring their hope because you don’t know how to find a healthy source of nourishment for yourself.
Playing mind games means you’ve already lost out on giving yourself opportunities to be more honest, more integral, and more fuckin’ sexy, baby!
Be as straight up and direct as you possibly can. It’s how the champions of love do the damn thing, and do it without having regrets and residue reactions.
Love ain’t no game the mind can win. Love is a game for hearts to work at until it’s time for foreplay to begin!
Love,
Addi Stewart
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