Keeping Promises in Poly Relationships

There’s a million ways to be a polyamorist, and it’s a wonderful thing! But there’s one thing that makes me, and any other poly person, either perfectly passionate in their practice, or anything but positively pure about their poly: being a promise keeper. Integrity of one’s word is the cornerstone of polyamory. If a person can’t keep their promises, they can’t be a polyamorist. They will then just be a player, a flake, or a cheater. There’s nothing more to it. Your words are your world.

Building Trust and Honesty in Poly Relationships

You know when you’re at a party, and everyone is talking some good conversation and ideas are flying around and people are suggesting cool things to do?

Well, a good friend remembers the cool things he or she said they would do for the other people, in the discussion. “You need that hilarious YouTube clip about what porn stars are thinking while getting laid? I’ll send it.” And a good friend remembers their promise to send it to you.

Any polyamorist worth their weight in fantasies will also do the same for you.

“Oh, so you want to talk to that girl I was with at the party last weekend? I can arrange that for you! I know she’s single, and she said she’s looking…” A few days later, an email or a text appears in your inbox, and her name and number is available for you to pursue. That’s what a great polyamorist does for others. They keep their promises.

Now, nobody is perfect, and in these high-tech times, I’m sure that not everyone can remember every single promise and offer they made every single person they’ve met in a day. But whether you use Evernote or just get help from iPhone and Siri, there’s always a way to stay accountable and take responsibility for the things you say you will do for your friends, friends with benefits, and especially lovers.

The truth is: only a bonafide enemy will lie to you and deceive you and actively NOT do the things they promised you, just so you can be unfulfilled and frustrated. So, it’s great to know which people in your life are reliable, honest, have integrity, practice compassion, are considerate towards your needs and dreams, and ultimately: keeps their promises to you and to themselves!

Curtis Jackson, wise sage that he is, one said:

I hate a liar more than I hate a thief. A thief is after my salary, a liar is after my reality.

As harsh as it sounds, it’s true. How frustrating is it, when you have plans with someone, but they aren’t certified official, because you know that the relationship isn’t “intense”. At the same time, just because you’re not in a seriously intense relationship with someone, it doesn’t mean you should treat them without care and concern!

The best friend and best lover one could have in their life, is someone who remembers their smallest and biggest promises, and HONORS them, as soon as possible.

I promise you: I will try to be that guy in your life, to always write the truth of the matters of my heart and soul. 

In love,
Addi Stewart

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