Good Things Come with Polyamory Patience

I have to behave myself these days. I’m a professional porn star, naughty nude model, and passionate polyamorous ninja! I’m not a slouch, nor a rookie when it comes to relationships of many and various kinds, please believe it!

Whether for money, for camera, nude, clothed, for personal, for temporary reasons and fantasy opportunities, I have conducted a vast variety of connection scenarios, and have emerged relatively unscathed from the roller-coaster of emotional endeavors! I say this to say: I’m ready for whatever.

I’m able to make love to a partner once (or maybe hopefully twice) a year, maintain some semblance of communication with them, and still be friends and genuinely passionate intimate lovers for the entirety of things. So, we can move at light speed and go from acquaintances to super kinky lovers in a matter of moments.

Most new lovers, though, are not really doing the sexy life like this. But some are… don’t get it confused. I have quite a few sex-worker lovers, and that is a blessing beyond comprehension, and a curse beyond description, that will have to be explained elsewhere. As usual, I digress.

So yeah, when a new lover is NOT ready to go from conversations about their favorite movies in the first thirty minutes of our first date to automatic super sweaty Olympic multi-orgasmic sex, I have to stop and remind myself that not everyone dreams like me.

I have the best success when meeting people in the middle of their desires and mine. Even if I think my desires are magnificently awesome… maybe not everyone is ready to go there as quickly. Or maybe not nearly as soon as I am ready, willing and able to trust someone to want to fuck on the first date.

Even if the chemistry is so explosive that our pants are both burning holes in their genital regions because we are so hot for each other—doesn’t matter. Gotta slow down. Listen to them. Respect their poly boundaries. Anything less would be uncivilized. And good things come to those who wait. ‘Tis the season!

Some lovers are like Christmas presents: it would be a disappointing transgression to open one’s present before the day you were invited to indulge… and it goes the same for people’s sexual speed and emotional velocity. Go too fast, and you will crash or drive right past the connection. And then it’s over… when all you had to do was slow down.

Addi Stewart

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