Sexual Saints – The Patience of Mother Nature
If there’s one thing polyamorists must learn, it’s PATIENCE.
Patience for one’s self to discover what one needs
Patience for others to process emotion.
Patience for people to figure out what is going on underneath the mask.
Patience for you to decide what you want to reveal to the public and the private.
Patience for your lovers to learn your peculiarities. And vice versa, of course. (As with most of these.)
Patience for you to learn your lover’s capacity for jealousy.
Patience for you to get a clear picture of what you want to make out of the relationship.
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I find polyamory to be comparable to a wonderfully unpredictable rollercoaster that rocket propels forward almost at the speed of dreams more often than most relationships in life. But the counter-balance to this rapid evolution of experience and quicker-than-typical demolition of convention and boundaries is learning the patient understanding to realize the responsibility that must be balanced with the rushing sensation of engaging with the higher levels of love, intimacy and sexual connection.
But polyamory can definitely be the cause of impatience, let me be the first to admit it. I’m actually making sure I don’t become insensitive and self-centered with my desires in regards to knowing what I want, and not making space and time for those who don’t fit into my heart’s particular paradigm. I’m not the kind of guy that is like “Oh, you’re NOT polyamorous? Well then, goodbye to you, m’lady!” and snootily turn up my pretentious nose towards the air where more sexually flexible philosophies flutter about. No! That’s just dastardly, and polyamory is NOT a carte blanche pass to conduct one’s self in a hoardingly horrible manner. As you would want those of another religion to respect yours and respect your right to not believe in their faith, its a good suggestion to love and let others love… in their own special way. Which may be monogamously!
Patience. For the strength to accept other’s perspectives that are not your own.
There is no one way to be polyamorous, which means that everyone is creating this ideology in their own image! That guarantees there is no two people moving at the same rate towards the dream of multiple happinesses. There is probably no two exact same polyamorous situations on earth, all things considered. But we all use this word to share each other’s insights, and to have the patience to learn -how- each one of us chooses to do polyamory. No matter how fast we are willing to share partners and crazy ideas and/or even fetishes, there is only 24 hours in a day, and we can’t use more time than life unfolds into our existence, no matter how close we share them with someone. We can impatiently rush past all convention and share more with someone in a weekend than some people share in a year… but on a certain level, we have only shared three days. And if we expand that three-day super-intense relationship’s depth with the calm-and-consistent relationship’s balance, then we will be able to expand ourselves in dimensions we’ve NEVER known inside us!
And another thing polyamorous people can be patient about… is waiting for the right time for a situation to be able to happen!
Sometimes, a person is in a situation too chaotic or unbalanced to allow you a space into their heart and soul. Some people are on personal missions of asexuality or celibacy. Sometimes, people are working too hard on a project with their employer to allow a multi-dimensional relationship situation like a flourishing polyamorous connection. You never know why the time is not exactly right sometimes!
But you never know what wonderful things can happen if you’re patient!
Patient… but persistent. Like a heartbeat.
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