Compromise and Sacrifice in Polyamory

What has been your most challenging poly compromise? Monogamy, at its core, is a hierarchy system that puts one person on the top of the pleasure pyramid, and makes sure that nobody else can usurp the throne for any reason or at any time… until they abdicate their spot by cheating and trying to have their cake and eat it too like Queen Antoinette.

Thus, the French peasantry and bourgeoisie’s verdict then becomes the inevitable ending: off with her head! And the memory of past pleasures together is placed on a spike for future courtiers to take as a warning and cautionary tale as how to conduct oneself in affairs of the heart. But, I digress!

To avoid such a fate, all one has to do is SHARE. Polyamory is ultimately about sharing, and some people can share better than others.

When it comes to sharing sexuality, the conversations and communication will lead to interesting questions like “When is it okay to kiss a new person?” or “When do you want to hear about our first time having sex?” or “When do you think you would be ready to meet my new lover?” When reality opens the REAL boundary between monogamy and polyamory, the flesh is felt by more than one set of fingers.

But some polyamorous peeps have real trouble sharing certain aspects about themselves. They might have no problem sharing their time with a lover, but will not want to meet partners of partners, or they refuse to do anything in the realm of safe sex besides an IUD, Norplant, or the pill.

Some people will be excited to meet metamours, while others will flat out say no. Some people will compromise on condom use, others will not. Some people will forgive a lapse in confession around a new partner, others will not be okay that.

There is no right or wrong. There is only awareness and ignorance. There is only connection and separation. And compromise comes down to what values and morals a person is willing to offer another person. What would you sacrifice to keep the relationship real?

Would you let them do things with others that you don’t want to do? That’s a big compromise, but if you can do that sometimes, it usually bodes well for your relationships in polyamory.

Compromise and sacrifice is the way forward in sharing souls, bodies, and minds. Hope nobody takes too much of you!

Addi Stewart

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