Deal Breakers in Polyamory Relationships

Reasons to Stop Going Further with Someone (That Have Nothing to Do with Cheating)

What’s your limit? They say everyone has a price of some sort, even if it’s not money. (Even though we all probably have some kind of price we would pay for most things…)

But on the other hand, what is your final limit? Not of what you will financially receive, but what you will emotionally endure, and pay the price of punishment for? Everyone has that limit for sure, but even less than seeing what we will sell ourselves for, few people want to discover or take life to the limit of suffering.

Yet, some relationships cause more suffering than satisfaction. The balance is what we seek in every relationship and interaction, unless we’re being GREEDY! Which I shall NEVER encourage.

And when there is a whole lot more pain and suffering and confusion and disappointment and anger, than there is joy and happiness and sex… then what?

ESPECIALLY as a polyamorist!

What if the person isn’t cheating on you? In a monogamous relationship, that is usually the ultimate and final dealbreaker, and the clear and obvious limit in love. You cheat? It’s possibly over. Or a serious talk has to happen, and the future direction has to be chosen together… because a limit has been reached.

But in polyamory, if the person is NOT cheating, and they are telling you about all the relationships they are having, but crossing other boundaries… then what? Do you have a system in place to protect your neck, in case the guillotine of vicious dreams comes to cut your fantasy-creating head off? There has to be some way you decide “enough is enough” when dealing with people who connect on a different emotional paradigm.

Let us explore some of the reasons why the end may be reached, in poly:

~Wants and needs are different in a relationship

~Sexual incompatibility

~Dishonesty

~Inability to communicate intentions and emotions

~Jealousy

~Imbalance between contributions and sacrifices

~Crossed boundaries

~Passive-aggressive behaviour

~Power trips and head games

~Emotional manipulation

~Psychological torture

~Degradation

~Attraction fatigue

There are more, but these are definitely some of the complex reasons that a relationship reaches its end.

The responsibilities of a healthy polyamorous relationship, and the subsequent maturity to face the fire of feelings of all people involved takes constant courage. And those who say they are up for the challenge, but who fail to consistently contribute integrity and compassion to the connection risk killing the potential forever.

It is up to each of us to do one major thing: HONOR OUR WORD and SPEAK OUR TRUTH.

The simplicity of the power of being a person who tells your lovers what you will do, and then ONLY doing that, is the main thing that makes this damn idea work!

Bringing in all this extra drama, all these other control tactics and pressure builders, just for the sake of getting tangled up in some action is unhealthy, especially when more than one person is affected and involved. So please, if you enjoy dysfunctional relationships and drama, please stay single.

Polyamory is like drinking: know your limit, and stay responsibly within it.

Cheers In Love!
Addi Stewart