Poly Relationships

Communicating Polyamory Boundaries with Partners

Couple on Date in Bar

(Don’t) Push It To The Limit!
The Dimensions of Boundaries

There are situations in polyamory where new emotional realms are penetrated, and to poke around in the dark, trying to find a place to rest and relate and relax and re-acquaint one’s self is often much harder than people can comprehend. Many times, we are fueled by naive hope and buoyant desire, believing “oh, the fantasy will totally work out just as great as we dream it will, and there will be no sour after taste!” This is rarely the case. All desserts must get shit out your belly at some point. There IS a price for playing with pleasure.

Responsibility means RESPONSE ABILITY for a reason! It means “when life speaks to you with an action, you must reply to that action with a logical spoken reaction.” Whether with words or with body language, responsibility is the main requirement of a solid foundation of relationship, whether practicing polyamory or monogamy. Here are a few statements of expression that articulate the boundaries and borders that I have had to draw at one point or another during my polyamory experiences, and I’ve had a lot of learning come with the chaos that was conjured when energies crashed together and apart in the environment I was sharing with a special soul. No game can be played without an arena. And sex may be the biggest arena in life… but everyone still has edges that can’t be crossed.

Here’s some thoughts about boundaries, both sexual, intellectual and emotional:

“Please respect my boundaries and do not ask me again.”

“She is not comfortable with you doing it to her, but you can do it to me. Be careful though.”

“I have all the passion in the world to give you, but I don’t have very much time to share, and your situation is also very complicated, which I totally respect. I hope you can make the most of the rare opportunities we have together.”

“If I was interested in doing that, I would ask you. But I am not. I am interested in this. How do you feel?”

“Yes, I have done that fantasy with someone else. But honestly, I am not ready to do that with you. Maybe in the future. If we continue spending time like this, it’s probably going to just happen naturally. I appreciate your patience.”

“I didn’t say anything because I really did not know what to say. I will make sure to tell you exactly what I’m experiencing as soon as I am clear on it.”

“I just wanted to know how you felt about us. We began to explore some kind of connection, and then I stopped hearing from you. I just would like some clarity on how you feel, so I can have closure with how I feel.”

“We can all discuss what we want, and then see if we think we can provide it for each other…”

“I love that we trust our connection to be stronger than space and time. I’m open to you reaching out to me whenever you want. That feeling will never change.”

In Love,
Addi Stewart

What tips can you offer for talking about boundaries with partners? Please leave a comment!

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