When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Gets Boundaries

What Words Are Out of Bounds?

There are intentions, and then there are actions. There are borders, and then there are transgressions past the borders. There are rules, then there are infractions!

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I’m kind of infinite, in my mind and my heart. But! There are borders that can not be transgressed without reaction, repercussion and response of some manner or sort.

I have a few rules that are not hard and fast, but more like liquid steel and wet concrete: quite firm and hard, but also malleable and flexible when heated in the crucibles of emotional combat!

I know the few things that I ask, implore, demand and kind of insist that my partners respect. If I were to list a few of them (there aren’t many), these five are my biggest boundaries that I request:

NEVER say “I hate you.”

NEVER hang up the phone while I’m speaking, during an argument.

NEVER be physically abusive (that’s obvious, but why not say it.)

NEVER keep secrets from the lover who other people know, and they don’t.

ALWAYS try to do your best, be your best, give your best, and show your best self.

These ideals have done absolute wonders for me having a really good, healthy and functional polyamorous sex life. I have double digit partners, and life is pretty damn snazzy!

And yet, I preface it with another BUT…

I do NOT transgress my boundaries with ANY of my lovers for ANY reason, whatsoever. And I NEVER let my passion or my anger get the best of me in ANY situation.

I can’t remember the last time I screamed at a partner. I really don’t know how long it’s been. I have arguments, not that often, but they are mature and don’t last forever. I am not a drama hunter, just not my nature!

So the truth comes down to: having the moral integrity and emotional fortitude to possess some kind of foundational intellectual structure to maintain this delicate but powerful precipice.

I do not say certain words to ANY of my lovers, no matter what the situation or scenario. They will not be able to say certain feelings to anyone about it, because I do NOT skirt into treacherous territory with people’s identity or personal preference of title or nickname.

I’ll share a little secret: One reason why I haven’t had a fulblown argument with ANY of my lovers in the past five years? Because I NEVER call ANY of them the word “b!tch.”

That word is a MILLION percent out of bounds for me, and it’s one of the many reasons why my polyamorous love life is so damn grand. Trust me.

Know your boundaries and never leave them. Love your time in your space.

Addi Stewart

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