Setting Boundaries in New Relationships

I swear I mean no harm to no one. I’m a good human being in 29 out of 30 or 31 days of the month. And I try to stay indoors and watch Batman cartoons when I feel like shit. I have done quite well by my own standards and measurements, living this life of love and polyamorous sexuality.

It’s been very good to me, so I be very good to it. To those who aren’t good to me: after MUCH trial and error, after MUCH personal failure, after MUCH serious consideration and harsh experience, I have come to the beautiful conclusion of my chosen boundaries of forgiveness and acceptance, and where there will stop being any but the borders of the blessed nation that is my heart and soul.

Those outside of it are the “muggles” as we sometimes like to call them, but you may know them as “the monogamous.” They are interesting neighbors. I don’t understand how their cultures and traditions work (or if they really work, haw haw) but I don’t judge and don’t mind. I just stay within my borders, and do what make me and my citizens happy.

But there comes a time when even those in the wonderful realm of polyamory have to be told certain pronouncements of particular pointedness and practicality. I had to tell someone I was disappointed in their actions recently, and it was necessary for my own peace of mind and for the sake of the relationship.

I met this person at the Pride Parade last year, and it was instant fireworks. They liked me a lot, and I simply could see it in their eyes. It was refreshing, actually. Someone not shy to let you know that they are attracted to you. I accepted it, and kept it moving.

Next I know, they catch up to me in the parade and ask me for my number. I give it, of course. They reach out about a month later, and we try to hook up. It gets postponed. Try a couple more times, postponed. Then I see them at the beach for a wonderful bonfire, and we get closer. Then I see them again and we have a rope session that is delightful magic. I hoped that we would have some private time soon.

A mutual lover kinda comes between us in a particularly awkward way, but it gets worked out with respect and love. This month, they reached out to me again. I said, “I have two days free, please choose one, and we will FINALLY have our first play date together!” They choose the later date. We talked during the week leading up to it, and we talked the day before, and even five hours before the moment. It felt so real, so close, and then…

She postpones it AGAIN.

I had to wait a day before I expressed my disappointment. I did it with honor for our possible relationship, and for my own time. She heard me.

I wasn’t angry or mean about it, but I was clear. I wanted to meet up and make our long-lingering relationship something real. Potential isn’t worth anything uncreated.

I said, “I’d like to get together when things feel right to me.” And that was sincere. I don’t know when I’ll feel like trying again, but my heart knows. And I’m good with that!

Addi Stewart

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