Stories

Motive vs. Intention in Poly Relationships

Woman in Lingerie with Man

Why do you like someone? Can you actually articulate it in sentences and logical statements? Are you aware of the reasons why you care about someone in a special way? And most importantly: is it because of an internal reason or an external reason?

Some people like others because of the social status they gain from being with a particular person. Some people use others for sexual satisfaction. And some people have silent and secret motives and intentions for the reasons why they want to be with someone. And I make no judgements on why. I just want to suggest: care about someone because YOU like THEM, not because THEY like YOU. There is a major difference, and it will manifest in your present and future in subtle and then very obvious ways!

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A poly partner I know revealed their desires to be with someone were predicated on how much that person was communicating with them and showing them desire. And their relationship immediately suffered, because she was holding back her true feelings. She wasn’t seeing him do certain things she expected him to do before she revealed her deeper intentions… and the relationship ended up being less than its potential because of her emotional ultimatum. I felt sad for her when I learned she lost out on such a good thing when she decided to trade her needs for her expectations.

But if she behaved and was motivated by her passions first, then she and he would probably be in a way better place intimately!

Love someone because you want to love them, not because they seem to love you!!

In joy,
Addi Stewart

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