I don’t force my poly connections between lovers, I really don’t. That doesn’t mean I don’t want them to meet, and share some special connections between our minds, bodies and souls, as well as our futures.
But you never know what other people exactly want long-term, or with their extracurricular sexual experiments and such. Do they want to meet lovers of lovers, and maybe try other things? Although I am constantly curious, it’s not something that I force.
Too many dudes out there are perpetuating this crappy idea that their girlfriends are doing the best thing in the world when they let them have a threesome with another woman. (Threesomes or anal sex are apparently the most mind-blowing experiences. Kinda low expectations and shallow intentions in the grand scheme of human sexuality and connection, if you ask me.)
So this is one of the reasons why I don’t lean into forcing my lovers to meet. That being said, I have the type of life where there are times and places and reasons that will bring them all together, since I do public events and am a musician. I’ve had quite a few concerts where multiple lovers come there to see me perform. And why wouldn’t I have this happen? I don’t want my live concerts to be only accessible to one lover, or none.
I want all my lovers to be able to come to an event I have, and either speak to each other respectfully, or just spend time in the same room and respectfully not acknowledge each other if they don’t feel like talking to each other, but still both respect the relationship that I have with them.
It’s not a contest about who gets to touch who more, or who gets kissed in public more or anything of that competitive nature. Which brings me to a wonderful thing one lover said to me about the possibility of meeting another who has already expressed a struggle in being able to be introduced to my other lovers.
I have an upcoming event that WILL HOPEFULLY gather possibly three or four, or maybe even five or more of my lovers in the same room for the very first time in my life. It will be wonderful, and doesn’t need to be a problem for anyone. But it MIGHT be for one. And when the other lover found out about her being in attendance, she didn’t want to have conflict with her, but she DID say something very insightful.
She said, “I want to meet as friends, not as rivals.” And I felt the exact same! I don’t want them to meet and think there’s a contest for my attention, or that anyone is playing mind games. That’s not what polyamory thrives on, and that’s not what I practice. But it takes two to tango, and it takes four to flamenco in polyamory!
We shall see how my lover acts when my event goes down, with more than a few lovers are in the same room! Anyone see She’s Gotta Have It? Ha ha, that’s my life.
I won’t force my lovers to be friends, but I will hopefully guide everyone towards a place of respect and reasonable connection.
I have faith,
Addi Stewart
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