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Creating Space and Time in Your Poly Relationships

Polyamory Triad

Love. The final frontier. These are the voyages of the Heartship Enterprise. Its lifelong mission: to seek out new life forms and create a new level of civilization. To boldly love how no one has loved before! *cue sexy creepy space music*

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We don’t need Gene Roddenberry to attempt adventures in erotica that take us to spaces and places that few faces have vacationed! The interesting truthful paradox is, to create a relationship, you will have to go the distance with someone… an emotional distance, if not actual physical distances, from time to time. And distance is the mother of space.

Since we are not all living so lost in love that we are all conjoined at the groins in a blissful utopia of joy (never give up!) we develop levels of space and proximity to each other every time we advance our relationship even one step.

How much less emotional space will we allow today? How much more intimate space will we explore today? And such and such. It’s the nature of the situation! And it’s captured in the timeless sentiment: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

But honestly, how much space does a person really want or need from their partner? And why? That’s the biggest question: Why is space being taken if we ever have to be apart?

Little moments of space are the things that keep relationships mysterious, alluring and attractive. Your lover goes home for the night, and you recharge your desire to reconnect to them in the space and time. But what if the space is imposed artificially? What if the space is created by an unseen force outside of both lovers’ control? It becomes a test to the relationship.

I had to take space from a lover for health reasons recently, and it made our connection grow and shrink and survive in insightful ways. I could not touch this lover as health conditions were healing, and I didn’t know how much or little she wanted to talk. So I gave her space, as people may want when healing.

A few days later I realized that I gave too much space, as she said “I want closeness in other ways.” I woke up and balanced the space between us with more communication, emotion and compassion, but kept a distance for other safety purposes.

It was a sobering lesson in maturity. Ask a person how much space they need, to certify the right support system for them while being safe for yourself. Once a week, a text or phone call? Hookups every other week? Visits every other day? What works for your safe space timeout equation?

Ask your lover or poly partner when you need to, then blast off to your fantasies when you reconnect!

In love,
Addi Stewart

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