The Needs and Wants of Poly Partners

I sincerely believe there is no end to the infinite formulas possible to be created with Love. There are eight billion people, and that number of human beings interacting like rabbits on Viagra can make probably thirty-two billion different relationship permutations between heterosexual, homosexual, lesbian, transgender, plus non-binary.

For those who live like myself and refuse to ride the Relationship Escalator, the opposite result that comes to life from this choice of non-matrimonial expectation is… endless infinity! A polyamorous lifestyle and legacy that has no limits, no ends, and no reasons to do anything besides honoring your relationship boundaries and responsibilities is a pretty good deal, all things considered.

Polyamory is like a birthday present that keeps growing and changing and evolving over time. But the difference between this present and most others in this metaphor of marriage to anything, is this: the gift of poly requires RECIPROCITY.

We are not creating mini-cults of idol worship here, no thank you and no sirree bob! We are nurturing multiple complex and serious avenues of emotional, physical, intellectual, and familial bonds between mature, open-minded adults, and we are doing our best to juggle all our dreams at once without dropping anyone’s heart.

It’s a must to give time to what you care for, which is why listening is vital in poly relationships. It’s not polyamory if a partner tells you they need or want more time, energy, love, truth, or sex from you, and you’re not listening to their request or acknowledging their desires. And that’s the crux of today’s conversation: NEEDS of partners. One of the unspoken truths of polyamory: some partners need more than others, period and case closed.

I shall digress further! It’s not that many varieties of people who practice poly can’t find and try and fail and succeed and break-up-to-make-up to anything they manifest with their combined intimate energies, no! It’s the subtle reality that some people will want to hear from you every day on the phone, while others are more comfortable with a text every few days, and still others are chill to connect every other month, picking up right where they left off with you.

There is no rhyme nor reason nor disrespect to deliver to any of these situations, since you and I don’t know the negotiations involved. Basically, we don’t know their needs, so who’s to say what’s right or wrong (abuse notwithstanding, of course). There are so many variables to needs and wants.

How to Get What You Need in Your Poly Relationships

I have a divine goddess partner who does not want me to kiss her on the lips, but we do almost everything else when we ascend to the stars via a primal sexual connection. I have another lover who wants and needs physical reassurance during times of verbal conflict, and it’s the OPPOSITE of what my mind and morals practice, but I’ve learned to give her what she needs to the best of my ability.

To give someone what they need or want, oft times requires a sacrifice… but it’s worth it.

Addi Stewart

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