Most of the poly people I’ve met have been part of a triad – a primary couple that has found a third who engages with one or both of the primary partners. I’ve met polys online who are also looking for a third, but I’ve never run into any quad couples. I was curious about this expanded relationship, so I went into forums to meet and ask questions. Here is one couple’s story about falling into a quad relationship.
My wife S and I met another couple that we got on with in social settings. At the time we weren’t looking for a quad-type relationship and didn’t even know if they were poly-friendly. My wife found out they were and said she was attracted to B, the male half of the couple and that he was interested in her too. His wife P was okay with it as was I.
P and I spent time getting to know each other as our primary partners began exploring a relationship. We realized we also shared a mutual attraction.
Initially we all didn’t hang out as a foursome but we had a mutual respect for the new bonds forming. The two new relationships were not similar in that all four of us are very different people with different emotional needs. The cross-couple intimacy has developed organically and continues to grow.
Because this is the first quad I’ve been a part of and because it’s still relatively new, I can’t say for sure how it will end up. What I do know, is that it’s been an exciting and fun experience and completely unexpected.
I feel lucky to have had this happen so spontaneously. It felt easier than if me and my wife were looking specifically. What helps, I think, is that both couples have been together a long time and no one is looking to change that. Our collective focus is greater self-awareness and personal growth. An outsider recently commented that our quad was not a “true” poly relationship for that reason, but we’re all enjoying what is going on and look forward to seeing where this path takes us.
If you’re in a quad relationship, how did it begin? Organically, or were you looking?