Loving with Faith and Fear in Polyamory

Are you a gambler? Are you a person who takes the big risk, or are you the person who takes cover and hides? Are you someone who takes chances in sexuality and relationships, or are you the cautious, reserved, hesitant type?

We all land somewhere on the spectrum between full-on, fireball-passion unleashing and full-stop, cold-wall barrier building. There are essentially two kinds of people in love: those with faithful love and those with fearful love. And when it comes to polyamory, they shape the depths of investment and directions of intention that each of us practice.

I’m a man of faith. I have faith in the future of my lovers. I have faith that they will be there, even though they have the freedom to leave at any time. I have faith that they will trust me and tell me the truth of their other relationships, and that I will not get jealous or envious. I have faith that our love will endure other situations and sexual encounters, and that we will not be worse off, but better and stronger. This is polyamory built on a foundation of faith, but not all people have that blessing.

Some people have polyamory built on a foundation of fear. It’s worrying that your partner is going to leave for someone younger and newer, even though the present relationship is going well. It’s wondering where your lover is when they’re not with you. It’s being afraid that you’re not enough, when you’re giving your all and your partner is speaking with full sincerity that they are happy with you.

Even if the present is powerful, and the past was also blessed with power, there are some who doubt there can be a more powerful future, even though there are no signs of anything weakening or decaying in the relationship.

I don’t say much to people who are fearful, but I do keep promises: to show up when I say I will, and not break any boundaries. I have faith in my relationships that we are doing the right thing for each other and for others, and that we will be able to minimize and maybe even eliminate fear and doubt and skepticism from our love!

I swear,
Addi Stewart

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