Different Intimacies in Polyamory

I was talking on a podcast recently with some beautiful, traditionally monogamous women. They both had a very heteronormative approach to love and sex (one was married) so when I started dropping hella poly jewels on their brains, they had many issues they wanted to discuss further.

They had questions regarding “territory” that I found intriguing. They asked, “If your car was broken down and you needed help from someone, which lover would you call?” I interpreted it as  “Who do you value most in an emergency?” and that was something worth thinking about.

I didn’t answer with the first lover who popped into my head. I took a minute and thought, anyone and everyone can disappoint me or save me in a crisis, and I’m open to whatever. They didn’t get the insight they wanted from that query, so followed it up with, “Who are you with the most?”

I explained that I don’t use time spent with a partner as a metric for measuring the depth of my relationships! Time is a factor and matters, but I reminded them that I have some extremely important relationships with people who I only see once a month or less.

So, what level of YOU is the most guarded and protected, most watched and closely seen? Are your emotions the precious gems that you keep to yourself, only sharing with your closest poly partners? Or is it your physical intimacy? Is it the genitalia interaction that determines the degree of depth you share with someone?

Maybe it’s the gifts that you give someone that measures your meaning. Cars, houses, furs, diamonds, vacations, fancy clothes—maybe those are the ways you show your love and affection. Hey, that’s cool, but maybe you’re the cerebral type who feels most aroused by sharing political thoughts and intellectual opinions! I’m sure a few people have bonded deeply over their hatred of Trump.

There is a particular form of intimacy which attracts you to others more than any other, and once you know it… things clear up. I know I’m a touchy-feely dude, and when I see someone who I want to make love to, my heart tells me. It seems logical that physical intimacy is a central attraction for monogamous people, but we are POLY!

So, what do you value the most inside your spirit?

Have fun discovering,
Addi Stewart

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