Asking for More from Your Poly Lovers… or Less

We get our cake, and we eat it too. But what if you want some pie and ice cream with it, and you want to eat them all around the same time… but maybe not all at once.

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Is this greedy? Welp, guess it’s up to each of us to decide. But let’s melt this metaphor down into some bite-size parts. We are poly and it’s the relationship choice of the future. I believe this with all my soul and bones. But being poly is kinda like asking for the most someone can offer you.

Yet, what if you wanted MORE? What if you wanted them in nuanced ways and particular situations?

Are you ready for that kind of poly connection? Not everyone is. And there’s the rub.

Some people want a monogamish type relationship, where they have a partner they can meet up with, have sex with, be domestic with, go out on dates with, talk on the phone and text with, and be social with friends and family with.

Yeah, that’s cool and fun and pretty and stuff. No problem there. But, there’s more we can do, if we want.

What if you wanted to only see a lover ┬áthree o’clock on Friday afternoons, in your apartment, for two hours of non-stop BDSM? What if the relationship was to never expand outside those boundaries?

Or a situation where one person is cleaning the other person’s toilet, while wearing a ballerina skirt,and a pink corset, while receiving verbal humiliation, and not receiving any sexual gratification unless it’s a major holiday?

What if the relationship was purely sexual, didn’t consist of even five minutes of talking, and the sex was non-stop for three hours? And this went on for months? Is that okay with you?

Sometimes, people might forget what the fundamental focus of a relationship is: happy balance. If people are happy and balanced, then it’s all good, and there’s no reason to judge. (There never is a reason to judge, but until that’s the world we live in, we deal with the madness we have to dodge to do this poly stuff.)

And a relationship that is like a mono connection without the jealousy, and with the freedom to be with other people monogamish-ly is GRAND. But there are many formulas for poly, and these days, I have been exploring some VERY abstract relationships… and they are working!

So, try it. Ask for more and different types of poly relationships. It’s a wonderful garden to grow!

With love,
Addi Stewart

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