When you meet someone and begin spending more and more time with them, you don’t always think about where the relationship is headed. You are too caught up in the magic or NRE to worry about what the future holds. But then… as it always does, you begin to get that strange anxiety about just that – the future of you and this new person. No matter how cool and suave you may feel when you are falling for someone, that need to know the definition of your relationship usually hits. So how do you talk to your new partner about defining what it is you are both enjoying?
Why Have “The Talk” of Defining a Relationship?
It’s important to know that you and yours are on the same page when it comes to what you think you have together. You don’t want to fall head over heels for someone, thinking you have a future together, if they are only interested in a sexual connection. And you certainly don’t want to think this new lover is exclusive, when maybe they see your relationship as casual. Talking together will prevent hurt feelings, at least much more than if you wait.
When To Talk?
You don’t want to bring up this subject the morning after a hookup, but you also don’t want to wait until serious feelings have developed. If you bring it up too early, you may scare someone off, but if you wait too long to talk about the state of your relationship, severe rejection is at risk. You may start thinking or wondering where things are going early on, but try and hold off a little and focus on getting to know the person you are dating.
How To Discuss Your Relationship?
A lot of people make the mistake of talking the nuts and bolts of a new relationship through social media or texting because they think it will be easier. If you’re serious about defining things with a new lover, then treat it with respect and talk in person. Choose a place where you will be alone together and have the time to discuss at length your feelings and thoughts about the relationship. Speaking face to face allows you to glean much information through a person’s nonverbal body language.
Relationship Definitions to Bring Up?
Here are a few things you may want to discuss:
- Casual dating vs. exclusivity
- Monogamy vs. Open Relationships vs. Polyamory
- Cheating definitions
- Amount of time you want to spend together
- Future plans and goals that may affect the relationship
- Relationship terminology (boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other/partner/friend with benefits)
Don’t be afraid to have “the talk” with your new special someone because most of us need definition in our relationships, especially those that involve deeper feelings.
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