Tips & Advice

Learning about Polyamory from Parents

Three White Wooden Hearts

As I was saying, we’re going to get into the other side of the equation because ain’t no babies without parents, and ain’t no pregnancy without sperm ‘n’ eggs (well, science can do some next level shit, but I’m not talking about that right now.) And ain’t no humans without sex!

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Children are some open minded little creatures, that’s for sure. You can pour an idea into a baby’s head, and they will just repeat it ad nauseam until you wish you never taught them that thought, ha. But seriously, it’s also one of life’s greatest miracles when you teach a baby something new, when they totally take it and run with it to new places and higher heights.

Perhaps one of the biggest challenges parents have when raising kids is navigating through a divorce. When parents break up (and possibly choose the poly lifestyle) they have to explain to their kids that not only will they be living in different houses, but also dating new people… eventually.

For better or for worse, children often comprehend polyamory a bit better than parents do, since children often do not have neither the egotistical control issues at stake, nor the possessive traits of a broken jealous fuckboy warping their sense of relationship.

Kids usually roll with the punches better than most, whether it’s “here’s your second mom” or “daddy has decided to start wearing dresses” even though I think the most common lesson that is needed is: “your mommy and daddy still love each other, even though they may not be together anymore” and “we may see new people.”

I’ve been with some mothers who wanted to be with me as well as other partners, and I’m perfectly okay with that. Sometimes, I’ve met their children. Sometimes, I’m forbidden to meet their children. I respect both choices in both situations.

The most important thing: do whatever the child is most comfortable with. I’m not saying all kids are equally cool with polyamory because some kids certainly will be confused by a thing or two. All you can do is answer their questions as simply as possible, and be loving and respectful.

Children may or may not understand polyamory, but all I ask is that you give them a chance. I learned about “open relationships” when I was nineteen (not exactly a child, but still young), and I was forever evolved. Every generation has its own way to play—yay!

Addi Stewart

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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