Some people perceive—or practice—polyamory as anti-marriage.
They may be against the heteronormativity and usual monogamy rules of life partnership. Or maybe they perceive the institution of marriage as unnatural for the human animal or a religious relic.
Others reject the stereotype that polyamory is against marriage, and practice love of many from the position of a long-term, committed relationship or polyamorous marriage.
There is no one way to practice polyamory. While it may seem like an ultra-modern lifestyle that rejects traditional mores, polyamory has predated all of us by several thousand years. In many cultures, ancient and modern, marriage is at the center of polyamory.
Should you get married? Should you desire marriage, or seek it out?
Marriage is at an all time low historically, at least in the west. But that doesn’t mean it’s going the way of the dodo. Tying the knot is still a major life experience and desire for many monogamous and polyamorous couples.
If you are married or thinking about polyamorous marriage, here are a few benefits for poly people in marriage to be aware of.
Benefits of Marriage within the Poly Lifestyle
1. Create a stable environment for poly families and children.
Before anyone gets ruffled feathers, for the record, I am a big believer in families of ALL kinds. LOVE is the most essential component of “stability” and it can come in many different ways.
That said, a universally understood aspect of marriage through time was to create a partnership and alliance of families that would be on hand to provide love and resources to children. Many systems of family work, and this is one of them.
2. Share your life with someone.
Some people feel the most happiness and security when they have a life partner. You may share your body or bed with many lovers, but want someone lasting to build your life with in a poly marriage.
There’s something to be said for having a witness to the day-to-day minutia of one’s life.
3. Married people receive health insurance benefits.
You don’t always have to be married for your long-term relationship to qualify for better health insurance benefits, but “couples” often have better possibilities for health care than singles or people dating casually. You and your children could qualify for benefits under a wife’s work program, or vice versa.
4. Enjoy familiar, routine sex in your poly marriage.
While this might sound like the death knell of sexual excitement, which thrives on novelty, spontaneity, and taboo practices, there is a real benefit to married sex. First of all, it’s there—you don’t have to apply for it, dress up, show up, make reservations, or spend, only to go home empty handed. It’s also bonding sex—what it lacks in novelty it makes up for in trust and security.
A long-term partner has already seen your scars, strange kinks, beer belly, receding hairline, small penis, or anything else you fear could get in the way of hot sex with someone new. Plus, in poly marriage, you do get the opportunity to experience sex with other partners, so it’s the best of both worlds.
5. Take comfort in financial security.
Sharing rent or mortgage, sharing childcare expenses, and sharing groceries can nearly halve many of your expenses.
Financial stress can be the unraveling of many a relationship, polyamory or not.
6. Marrieds engage in less risky behavior.
Married people are less likely to engage in risky business. Psychologists aren’t entirely sure of why this is true, but perhaps when we have someone to answer to, or someone we care about in the big picture for the long haul, we are less likely to take as many risks.
This might mean speeding less often, drinking less heavily, practicing safe sex with other partners, and avoiding impulsive and compulsive behaviors.
There are many other ways to express commitment in poly relationships, and polyamorous marriage is just one.
Are you a married polyamorous person? Tell us your thoughts.