Before we delve into this fun little, actually, medium-sized kink… I have to give a MAJOR WARNING and ETERNAL BOUNDARY LINE for ALL people: you have to ASK the person before you make ONE slap, swat, smack, or spank.
You do NOT know who is into spanking until you ask. And spanking is something that wavers far and wide from rejection to acceptance, as it is a hardcore base-impulse type of kink—it might have become taboo for someone whose past included unwanted spanking from a parent, babysitter, or abusive lover. But you will not know unless you ask. The opposite may be true for the exact same reason, you never know.
Once you ask, then it’s all about finding the right time and place and appropriate moment to start the pleasure punishment! We are not suggesting you spank someone in the middle of the food court at the local mall, even though it’s a tempting idea. I’m just saying it’s very risky, and probably not something worth doing if you don’t want your session cut short. These fantasies are better left in the imagination. Do it at home, where it’s safe, or do it in a dungeon where it’s invited.
For those of you who are still single and looking for kinky lovers, check out Kink Lovers’ guide to the best spanking dating sites.
5 Spanking Tips for Kinky Couples
1. Ask about Limits
“Hey, do you feel like you want a lot of spanking today, or just a light grazing?” Be clear when inquiring about their pain thresholds. This is so important to always keep in mind. Never get so lost in your own desire that you can’t tell when they’ve had enough.
Spanking lends itself perfectly to kinky role playing, and it’s easy to get lost in d/s roles, so discuss your limits beforehand.
2. Measure Pleasure and Pain
Remember the game Red Light Green Light? “Let me know when it’s almost too much by saying, ‘yellow'” or “Let me know if you want to stop or take a break by saying, ‘red'” are standard measurements for “applying brakes or accelerating the sex gas,” as they say.
You can use any safe words you want, but just have a system communicated between you to denote how to give more and give less. Without that, it could become chaos beyond what’s good fun.
3. Select Your Tools Together (or Gently Surprise Them)
Spanking is very often done with the bare hand, flattened and opened. It can be a very versatile sex toy, the hand. You can slap with the palm, the fingers, the thumb, the edge or back of the hand, the fist—there are so many options, with just the hand alone! Then there’s the idea of two hands! There are many options to deliver.
Spanking implements you can try: flogger, crop, cane, paddle, whip. Whether you have told your lover or not what you will be using, always start slow before gradually increasing the intensity. Turning up the heat is half the fun!
4. Find a Rhythm, Tell a Story
Master the art of spanking. A painter doesn’t just take the paint and throw buckets at the canvas all willy nilly. Some do, but not often. There’s a flow—a beginning, middle, and end. Think of it as a journey. It’s something that should be treated like a meal or like a movie. Something that has highs, lows, surprises, and then at some point a grand finale or climax, where it all makes sense and feels right.
Imagine and create your own rhythm and story. Just know it has to end sometime, so when it does, hopefully you’ve done just enough to make everyone happy!
5. Don’t Hurt Them… or Yourself
They aren’t the only person you can hurt. Using an instrument wrong, or being irresponsible and violent, or disrespectful to the seriousness of the instrument can cause pain for both participants. Your recklessness could result in someone not letting you or anyone else spank them any time soon, if not ever again. So never be THAT person.
There’s a lot of power and energy going back and forth during spanking, and it can easily spill overboard and hurt someone’s hand, or leave TOO MUCH of a bruise on the skin. You want to leave a happy memory, not a permanent painful mark. Minor bruising or marks sometimes happen, which can be cool, depending on the person’s body and boundaries… but otherwise, lean towards just a nice little sting.
Do you enjoy spanking with your poly partner(s)? Please share with us in the comments!
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