The female orgasm. It’s complicated. No matter how many lovers you have, it can be hard to figure out. I’m the owner of a female body, and my orgasm story is always changing.
Here are a few myths to get out of the way, on your way to better understanding our orgasms.
5 Myths about Women’s Orgasms
Myth #1: She should always come first.
There’s wisdom in this, and that’s why it’s considered best practice in sex for the vast majority of encounters. After all, a man’s arousal plummets to nothing immediately after he ejaculates, and even with the best of intentions in continuing to pleasure her, he might fall asleep thirty seconds later. This is all pure biology, and a great reason to make sure she gets there before you do.
But there are exceptions to every rule. If you’re trying to have a baby, for example, you should go first, then have her climax while your seeds are swimming inside her. Her contractions can help pull the boys closer to the egg.
Lots of us are turned on by YOUR orgasm, and you coming will help bring us to the peak.
And if I can’t or don’t want to come, going on forever won’t change that.
Myth #2: All women can ejaculate or squirt if you know how to find her G-spot.
I’ve been telling men—and women—for years to stop poking my vagina wall. It does not feel good, and you will not be the explorer that makes a discovery I haven’t.
Sure, I have a bit of Venus envy when I see fountain goddesses in porn spraying their pleasure every which way. But not every woman can squirt.
The G-spot is not really a spot, but a network of nerves. All women have a clitoral nervous system, but the glands that cause fluid to build don’t always create cups of the stuff. Most women have only trace elements, not super-size slushies.
Myth #3: If she doesn’t come, she’s not enjoying herself.
Having her orgasm in the spotlight can be a considerate act—or a tremendous pressure and strain. Sometimes I want to get on with enjoying the sex without the need for proving it with the payoff climax.
I almost never come with new lovers and therefore, which includes one-night stands and hookups. I love a good quickie, but I probably won’t climax.
Never assume she doesn’t want an orgasm—her pleasure is central to yours. But pleasure is not always synonymous with “finishing.”
Communicate to make sure she is satisfied, whatever that means to her at the time.
Myth #: An orgasm always means better sex.
If that was true, all women would stay home and fuck themselves alone. I can come fastest that way, 100% of the time.
No fuss, no muss, and bam. But sex isn’t just about mechanical release.
Myth #5: Women’s orgasms all work the same.
As a poly guy, you know it’s not true already. Your wife and your lover, or multiple lovers, have totally different strokes, timing, and triggers. Each is different on one day than on another.
You might have one lover who takes an hour, and another who has a hair-trigger climax. Some women need sex positions with deep penetration while they rub their clits, and some want nipple stimulation just before they get off.
The best way to get to know a woman is just to explore her and pay attention, or ask her to show you the ropes.
What myths have you busted about the female orgasm?