Facts & Info

Sex Addiction and Polyamory: What to Know

Woman with Her Secret Lover

Tired of hearing from mainstream media or prissy prudes that polyamory is an excuse for infidelity or sex addiction. It’s a common enough accusation. People who can’t “keep it in their pants” supposedly justify their actions with new rules.

I resent the judgmental intrusion on my private life and ignore these moralizing busybodies. I don’t want to go back to the days when women with a sex drive were dismissed as “sluts.” This line of thinking is incredibly sexist.

But maybe you sometimes wonder. Is it normal or healthy to think about sex and pursue it so much? Could you be addicted to sex?

The Truth about Polyamory and Sex Addiction

The jury is still out on whether sex addiction is a real thing.

Scientists, psychologists, and addicts are still debating whether sex addiction is a legitimate issue. After all, who gets to decide how much sex is normal and healthy?

But many people report feeling out of control and living miserable lives. The hallmark of whether a thing is great or terrible is how it affects a person’s life. Wine is wonderful, contributes to culture, family, romance, health, and bonding. But many people are ruined by excess, bankrupted, and screw up their friendships due to overuse.

Whether or not sex addiction is a diagnostic reality, the question that concerns you is whether sex is making YOUR life better, or if you are lying, cheating, sneaking around, spending more than you should, or taking unsafe risks.

Sex addiction is not a polyamory thing.

Risky sex, unhealthy sex, or treating people badly because of sex isn’t about polyamory. Those who make such accusations are ignorant. How often do you hear of sexual violence or cheating in monogamous relationships? Lots of people with sex obsessions may even be celibate!

If someone has a troubled relationship with sex or an addiction, it has nothing to do with polyamory, monogamy, or celibacy. It transcends those categories.

Sex is healthy, but not always.

Whether it’s called sex addiction or not, there are plenty of unhealthy manifestations of sex. It’s important to become free of the shackles imposed by church, state, and society, because shame is poisonous. But on the other hand, sex is not always beneficial and positive.

Some people are consumed by dark compulsions, or act out in a way that is dishonest and hurts others. There are issues of consent and violence and harm and illegal acts. It’s not about “how much” sex or how many partners. It’s about how you conduct yourself and care for yourself and others.

Enjoy sex on your own terms. If it’s out of control, rein it in or get help.

Rather than panicking over whether you have a sex addiction or a normal sex drive, take charge of yourself. You are in the driver’s seat! If you happen to love a lot of sex, who cares? If you have some unusual proclivities and explore them in a safe consensual kink community, so what? It’s time to accept your sexuality and come to terms with yourself.

If you are self-destructive or harming others, stop doing so. Channel your excess desires into fun and healthy escapades. Balance your life out with other pursuits, and take control over the negative aspects. If you need help to do that, go and get some. Don’t be afraid or ashamed—it’s positive to take the reins, and you’ll have a healthier outlook and find support. Ultimately, that will lead to better sex, so it’s win win win win win!

Have you ever felt addicted to sex? Please share in the comments!

Tell us what you think!

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