Back in the old days people used to get a job when they got out of high school, and they’d work it until they retired. They’d get a gold watch, settle down with a pension, go fishing, watch TV, and then drop dead. Marriage was kind of the same way. You’d find someone when you were in your twenties, or teens even, and stick it out with them. There’d be kids, dogs and cats, Christmas, etc. Some people would be happy. Most people would be miserable and not know what to do.
Eventually the sex would dry up. People might cheat or they might just suffer in silence and accept that they were never going to get laid again. Never get a blow job again. Unequal desire was a thing. Husbands or wives would give up on sex after marriage and then make their partners feel like perverts when they said they still wanted it.
Let’s face it, monogamy sucked. It still does. Nowadays, people don’t have careers. Lots of people change jobs all the time. Lots of people also work a bunch of jobs, or they pull income from a whole bunch of sources. Love ought to be the same way.
Let’s say for example that you are with someone. You love them. You have memories and a culture you have made. You might have some kids, or pets, or Christmases. But, for all that, the passion just isn’t there. Maybe he won’t go down on you anymore. Maybe she suddenly decided swallowing cum is disgusting. You still want it, but you can’t get it at home.
Why not work out a way to supplement your relationship by seeing another person and getting the things you desire. Life is too short not to get what you like. And it really isn’t a big deal. If you talk about it, and deal with the jealousy, then accepting that people have needs can be beautiful. If you have a need to flirt then go flirt. Come home and tell your partner how sexy it was. It might even light up some old fires.
By the same token, accepting that your partner has desires is a healthy thing. Allowing them to explore with other people can be a wonderful gift. It can be a testament to the security you have in the foundation of your love. It sounds crazy but it’s true. Both love and labour are not monolithic anymore. They are a bricolage of small parts that come together to create a whole entity we call life.
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