Are you researching polyamory in hopes that it might solve all the problems in your love life? I feel restless and lonely and I think I might cheat on my partner… maybe I’m polyamorous? I can’t say whether or not you are, but I can tell you that the poly lifestyle is probably not going to heal your struggling relationship.
I’ve been poly for close to four years now, and I love it. The combination of connection and alone time, the love I share with my partner and the community I’ve gained in our close-knit polycule is all I’ve ever wanted. I went into it thinking that polyamory would change my life, which it has. I also thought that it would provide me with certain things that it really hasn’t.
4 Things Polyamory Doesn’t Offer
1. Absolute Sexual Satisfaction
Well, maybe sometimes it does. Other times you’ll wonder why someone with three partners needs to jack it as much as they do. Lots of people think that the poly lifestyle is all about sex, but it’s not that straightforward.
Think of all that goes into maintaining one sexual connection, then multiply that by the number of partners you have. While there are plenty of things you can schedule in your poly life, sexual satisfaction isn’t one of them.
2. A Pass to Cheat
There are rules in polyamory. They might not be the same rules that apply to monogamous relationships, but they are every bit as sacrosanct. If you and your partners agree that sleeping with someone outside of your existing polycule is not permitted, then doing so is cheating.
You might be surprised to learn that some poly relationships have more rules than your standard monogamous ones. In short, polyamory is not really a suitable alternative for someone who has a hard time staying true to their current partner.
3. A Guarantee That You’ll Never Be Lonely
Again, having more than one partner doesn’t guarantee that you’ll always get your needs met. Sometimes you’ll find yourself alone while all your partners are busy, or out with other people. In some ways, polyamory can set you up to feel lonelier than ever, and is definitely not recommended for someone who doesn’t enjoy their own company.
Unless you can find ways to fulfill yourself, you’re likely going to feel jealous and resentful when none of your partners are available to entertain you.
4. Complete Sexual or Emotional Freedom
Unless your polycule agrees to the no-rules rule, you are bound to certain guidelines in polyamory. Even if you decide that your relationship style is free for all, there are still impacts to be felt as a result of your actions and eventually, you’ll have to take the needs of other people into account.
Polyamory can make your love life richer and more fulfilling, but it isn’t the cure-all for loneliness or that feeling of entrapment you might be struggling with in your monogamous relationship.
What do you think? Does poly life give you more or less than what you expected? Share your story in the comments!