Toxic People in the Polyamory Community

There’s no way around it, really. Some men and women are kinda fucking assholes in the way they conduct their poly life. And they are friends of your friends, lovers of your lovers, or friends of your lovers. And there they are. All too often. Just fucking the vibes up with the uncomfortable things they say, the unsettling things they do, and all that. Opinions that bristle. Choices that chafe. Patterns that piss you off. And rare moments of respect that make it hard to completely cut them out of your life.

They could be connected to you in a variety of ways, since poly kinda makes a family of friends and all the intimate people in your life on such a variety of levels beyond typical description, as well as traditional. But still, there that person is. In the periphery of some person you love. Maybe it’s your lover’s brother. Or cousin. Or dad. Someone that just makes life suck worse for your dream of the relationship, and since it’s not a traditional monogamous relationship, where typically, hard parallel boundaries are ostensibly built to keep everyone out who is not part of the partnered unit, then polyamorous people sometimes have to endure and absorb an unusual amount of odd activity.

But that’s just how it goes sometimes! Sometimes, your partner might not be completely done with someone you despise! And when you love them, you learn how to compromise, communicate, and create a balanced solution to cure your pain. Occasionally, there are just some people who you have to learn how to “put up with,” no matter how much you don’t share connections with.

There are infinite possibilities in the chemistry of humanity, and the open heartedness to have faith in healthy outcomes for each connection is not exactly honest. Some people do not vibe together well, it’s just the nature of the universe. And learning how to either make distance, make silence, make it known you don’t like them and find a basic space, make nice or make love to them is all you need to do to concoct the antidote to the poisonous people in your polyamorous community. Doctor, heal thyself.

Peace and pleasantness,
Addi Stewart

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