Area Codes Various Joys (and Pain)
I live in Toronto. It’s magnificent in ways that I cannot begin to express. I’ve attended countless festivals, gatherings, concerts, parties, and many incarnations of human assembly with intentions to sexually enlighten and entertain. I’ve been to the Gay Pride Parade every year for the last ten years, I’ve been to Oasis Aqua Lounge, Wicked, Naked Sauna, and private house parties that hosted ‘Cuddle Orgies’.
But I stopped and thought about it a few weeks ago and came to this possibly true conclusion: “Toronto is one of the most sexually advanced cities on Planet Earth!”
I’m currently in Sedona, Arizona, enjoying the sunshine and a most necessary escape from the treadmill that fuels the capitalist engine of modern Western life. As I look around these beautiful rustic red rock mountain ranges and wander through spiritual alien vortexes of energy, I have simply not received the same sense of sexual possibility and potential in my travels and observations here. Not that I can say I’ve exhausted all possibilities and options in seeking the existence of, or lack of, a community of sex-positive, polyamory-practicing individuals in Sedona… but most of the people I’ve encountered here have been married, and walk arm-in-arm in the standard monogamous connection formation, ha. It’s pleasant and heartwarming to see people find each other… but stepping out of my relationship comfort zone in Toronto has shown me where other places are in terms of sexual exploration, and I see that there’s a LONG way to go in spreading the acceptance of alternate paths of sexuality and relationship connections!
Last night, I shared a bottle of champagne and a few beers with a beautiful woman who I met here. She spoke of being married to the best man, after a few heartbreakingly unfulfilling marriages. This was her third marriage, and I was hoping that this was the one that would give her everything she wanted in love and life. She shared that she was bi-sexual, but not permitted to explore this within the parameters of her relationship. This made me cry a little bit inside, seeing this radiantly gorgeous woman with eyes you could get lost inside speak about a side of her heart that she couldn’t express to her primary partner. She even said that she was more attracted to women than men! Yet, she was married to a man who was not prepared to accept this truth in her heart, body, mind and soul. I couldn’t help but think: “this is a polyamorous woman trapped in a monogamous mind frame of love…” I didn’t judge her or tell her to change, but I wished her joy and kissed her on the cheek, after an evening full of hilarious sex stories, life insights, and emotional revelations.
I wonder if there’s a way to statistically measure the sexual freedom of cities and countries across the planet. I’m here in America, and there’s only what, seven states that allow gay/lesbian marriage? Sedona isn’t a huge city, especially compared to Phoenix, but it’s VERY open to extra-terrestrial thought, New Age spirituality, and concepts of that nature. But: is there a SEXUAL CULTURE parallel to this open-mindedness? Is there a swingers club operating underground here? Or even openly? Is there a website for locals who don’t want to follow the traditional path of dating-engagement-marriage in a Christian Church? Is there a bunch of people here ready to run through the streets naked and free, frolicking and having fun together above and beyond the rules and regulations of mainstream society? I’m not too confident there is, even with my insatiable sexual curiosity and optimistic desires.
It’s not like polyamory can’t be taught to people anywhere in the world… but sometimes, you just gotta stop and look around, and think: “is this place ready for the reality of poly?”
Whether it’s Arizona, Australia, Alberta, New Zealand or Zaire, there is always a new sexual level of expression to reach for the inhabitants and communities that live there. And what is the rate of erotic evolution in a particular area? I think San Francisco was generally the standard we always fall back on when discussing places where “free love” is highly encouraged. And Toronto feels like a close second.
But what are the top ten sexual liberated cities on the planet? Is there a way to know? And when will you and I get to go there and explore the higher potentials of joy? As soon as possible, I hope.
Always in love,