Expressing Your Limitations with Poly Partners

Once, someone said to me “basketball, and all sports, are made what they are by the limitations they are given. Without the boundaries of the court and all the rules on all the players actions and time constraints, then anyone could do anything and it would be chaos!” And it dawned on me that the truth had been spoken loudly and clearly.

The beautiful thing about polyamory is that there is no rule to how deep or how shallow the relationship should become for those involved. When communication and clarity is achieved, there is nothing wrong with a person telling another person: “Hey, this is all I have to offer you in this relationship and that will not be compromised. If you’re looking for more, I’m not the person to give it to you. But if you are looking for what I’m offering, then it’s yours and you can enjoy it starting right now…” There is no pressure on someone “to take things to the next level” or “figure out what this relationship is” or even “decide that it’s time to pop The Question”. None of that has to exist in a polyamorous relationship.

The words one chooses to use in a polyamorous relationship mark the boundaries and territories of the game of love (or sex or intimacy or basic connection) that you are playing with your partner(s). You can create any shape of relationship and connection with someone. You don’t have to settle for remaking the exact same rectangle basketball court shape your parents made with their marriage, and you don’t have to make the exact same rectangular football field that your friends and peers are fighting to make and use for social status safety or pseudo-self-satisfaction or some other chaotic concoction of choice and duty. You can do whatever you dream!

The best thing about limitations, is that the amount of responsibility required is not something that should bring pressure or worry to one’s heart. If you don’t make any grand promises or have any great expectations, then it’s easy to let the relationship happen along the simple lines of manifestation that it has been charted towards. And you won’t need to write out a book of rules and regulations the size of a phone book just to protect your heart, your brain, and your reputation! You can just play a simple game of sexual handball with someone, and keep it basic and light-hearted. Of course, this is also possible in a monogamous relationship, but the boundaries are much smaller, and unless you simply don’t want to “score” that much, then having a low-stakes game without much energy invested might cause some cheating and questionable refereeing! When going outside the boundaries of the game of joy, unsportsmanlike (or unsportswomanlike or unsportspersonlike) misconduct might be virtually guaranteed because of the loose framework containing the players of the connection. It may be just enough to have fun and happiness, but it also may not if part of the game involves only playing with one other person! But with polyamory? It’s game on with however many people your heart, soul, life, schedule and emotional skill set can playfully work and graciously play with!

And the Game of Love is something that I would never want to limit with anyone for anyone else…

In happiness,
Addi Stewart

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