I suppose it’s unfair to use such a derogatory sounding subtitle for this post. Neither I nor my fellow polys necessarily have a bone to pick. I generally believe those who miss the mark on identifying themselves as polyamorous are simply unclear of its bigger picture. This post is simply to ensure they know what’s expected of them if they wanna join the club.
Here’s what usually fails to sink in: although polys are quickly labeled as open-relationship couples, these open relationships with their multiple partners are loving, committed relationships. Polys are not the same as “swingers”. And this is where the wannabes start getting confused.
Relationship is the operative word. It’s a Fuckbuddy-Plus situation. Polys aren’t polys because we don’t like having lots of sex; extra lovers are always welcome. But an ongoing thang should, for us, become something more. We want an emotional commitment. We want a friendly commitment. Something familial. We can pretty much get good booty anytime we want; it’s the “Plus” that holds us together.
Polys don’t look down at anyone interested only in casual sex. Casual sex is the path down which many of us came to discover we were poly in the first place. Bedsides, casual sex is fun and to each his own. And we love having fun horndogs around to join the party. But if you, as a non-committed casual-sexer, are surprised when you don’t rank high on the priority list, it’s probably because we already have others in our lives who are just as hot in bed but offer even more out of bed.
If you’re thinking of crossing that line into polyamory, that’s what lies ahead. Commitment is awesome, but maybe you’re not ready for it yet. That’s awesome, too.
The request is this: Please understand how it is you’re labeling yourself. Polys have a hard enough time being understood. If you’re telling people you’re poly simply because you have lotsa fuckbuddies, well, you’re not doing us any favors.
If you think the poly life is for you, join a site, and learn more about it. Talk to other polys. Try it out. Commit.
Let love rule!