Polyamory Dating

Choosing Polyamory for the Right Reasons

Guy at Club with Four Women

Polyamory Wannabes

I suppose it’s unfair to use such a derogatory sounding subtitle for this post. Neither I nor my fellow polys necessarily have a bone to pick. I generally believe those who miss the mark on identifying themselves as polyamorous are simply unclear of its bigger picture. This post is simply to ensure they know what’s expected of them if they wanna join the club.

Here’s what usually fails to sink in: although polys are quickly labeled as open-relationship couples, these open relationships with their multiple partners are loving, committed relationships. Polys are not the same as “swingers”. And this is where the wannabes start getting confused.

Relationship is the operative word. It’s a Fuckbuddy-Plus situation. Polys aren’t polys because we don’t like having lots of sex; extra lovers are always welcome. But an ongoing thang should, for us, become something more. We want an emotional commitment. We want a friendly commitment. Something familial. We can pretty much get good booty anytime we want; it’s the “Plus” that holds us together.

Polys don’t look down at anyone interested only in casual sex. Casual sex is the path down which many of us came to discover we were poly in the first place. Bedsides, casual sex is fun and to each his own. And we love having fun horndogs around to join the party. But if you, as a non-committed casual-sexer, are surprised when you don’t rank high on the priority list, it’s probably because we already have others in our lives who are just as hot in bed but offer even more out of bed.

If you’re thinking of crossing that line into polyamory, that’s what lies ahead. Commitment is awesome, but maybe you’re not ready for it yet. That’s awesome, too.

The request is this: Please understand how it is you’re labeling yourself. Polys have a hard enough time being understood. If you’re telling people you’re poly simply because you have lotsa fuckbuddies, well, you’re not doing us any favors.

If you think the poly life is for you, join a site, and learn more about it. Talk to other polys. Try it out. Commit.

Read: 5 Reasons Polyamory Is Not for You

Let love rule!

Tell us what you think!

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Polyamory Today logo
Polyamory Today is your source for everything related to polyamory dating and poly relationships. We post tips and advice for polyamorous lovers, open relationships, and those seeking threesomes and group adventures. Enter the world of polyamory with exclusive articles, polls, site reviews, reader stories and more.

Polyamory Magazine
Join over 4,600 polyamorous people who receive Polyamory Today updates every two weeks.

Let's connect.

We share all of our polyamory advice, ideas, and articles on Facebook and Twitter. Follow along on your favorite network to get latest from Polyamory Today Magazine.

Polyamory Today on Facebook Polyamory Today on Twitter