Dear Jamie,
I’ve been happily married for fifteen years. We have always had a great sex life because we share our fantasies and desires and respect the natural ebb and flow of sex. I’ve known since we were in college that Roger considered himself a transgender admirer, that he has always been attracted to all women, not cis women only. On occasion we brought this into our fantasies together and sometimes enjoyed transexual porn.
I suggested we meet a real trans woman, but we live in a small town and there weren’t any transgender women that we know of. Roger didn’t want to invite a sex worker from the city into our bedroom. He said he was only interested in someone who liked us for real!
I never imagined our dream would come true or that we would find ourselves polyamorous. But a transgender woman started working in my hospital last year, we’re both in admin. We got along famously.
Fast forward… the three of us are in an unexpected relationship, and it’s amazing and satisfying for all of us. My husband has never been happier, and the sex we have together is even better. I adjusted any weird feelings I had because I love both of my partners so much, and now I have so much more. Amanda is sensual in bed, and I never would have imagined a woman touching me and making me crazy.
I’m just writing to say, never say never. Life is wild and full of surprises.
Love from newly poly Janice
Janice,
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences!
Polyamory is a solution to a variety of challenges in monogamous relationships and to personal conundrums.
For example, many women who are bisexual or who identify as straight and yet love making love to women, don’t want to give up that outlet when they commit to a relationship with a man. Many women are polyamorous because of that strong attraction and the emotional fulfillment that comes with sexual bonding to another female. Polyamory is a solution then to a woman who wonders if she can go the rest of her life, or even a while, without girl-on-girl sex or intimacy.
As transgender people increase their visibility and enter the dating world as themselves rather than remaining trapped in a body they can’t relate to, and as many folks who are trans attracted and allies speak up, we are increasingly honoring the rights and sexual needs of trans people and those who love them.
This can be a momentary conflict for some trans women and men because their sexual orientations are diverse. Transgender people can be attracted to men, to women, to either or both, or to other transgender people.
Polyamory attracts transgender people because they can explore their attractions fully and with support. It’s also by nature a community that is less conservative and where couples welcome diverse attractions or are open to the idea of relating to a variety of people, not just those who conform to their types or ideas about their own sexuality.
It’s wonderful that you are so loving to be open to Roger’s needs and find that expanding your mind and heart has benefited your body and your relationships.
If anyone else has a story about finding polyamory, being in poly relationships with diverse genders, or an unexpected poly path in life, tell us!
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