Do You Have a Polyamory Code?

Polyamory is the manifestation of the magical dream of loving more than one person at once, and I know in my heart of hearts that it can be done maturely, honestly, and passionately—definitely without the drama and selfishness that being a player or fuckboy or lothario brings into one’s life.

The thing is: there IS a limit! There has to be. As Omar Little used to say in the best show in TV history, The Wire: “Every man has to have a code.” And this applies to women and trans folks too, natch! Everyone must have some solid number of rules, regulations, boundaries and basic truths to live, fuck, and die by.

How many poly lovers can or will you see in one day? Some people, such as myself, can conduct high-powered polyamory, arranging to see three lovers in one day.

It’s NOT highly recommended for most men, since they really can’t emotionally compartmentalize themselves to live pristinely and passionately in the moment, so they aren’t caught up thinking about their next lover or their past lover, too much to appreciate the PRESENT lover with them.

Most men aren’t ready to give that much commitment to the moment. But it CAN be learned, and it CAN be done. I just had a day that consisted of me waking up with my most time-connected and life-connected sweet lover, then spending the afternoon with a beautiful sacred lover who I see once a month, and then at a Super Bowl after-party with another lover who I have the most intense sex with.

So, what’s my boundary? THREE lovers a day—MAXXXIMUM! Never have I tried to do more. I often don’t try to even see two lovers in a day. My rule is mostly: one lover in one day. Spend all day with someone, and love them like there literally is no tomorrow. But it can change and shift if people have plans. That’s how I squeeze in rendezvous with other romantic interests—makes life really magical!

But I cannot stress enough how important it is to have your emotions in check and your heart strings aligned. There has to be some number, some locations, some people, some sex acts, some parties, some limits to the things you will explore energetically… or else, it will just be relationship chaos, not polyamory. There’s got to be something you say “no” to, while you say all the other “yes! yes! yes!” exclamations.

“A lover must have a code of honor to hold their heart together.” – Addi Stewart

Tell us what you think

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments