The Difference between Passive and Active Poly Partners

I am a very fortunate man. I sincerely believe that this is my truth, and it comes from my polyamory relationships more than any other thing in my world—my porn career, music career, and journalism career.

Why does poly give me things nothing else in life does? Because it’s always happening in my heart, in one form or another. It’s like a bank account that has multiple sources of income, and some may be accruing slowly while others build quickly. The good news is that they all are growing my soul and sex life more and more every single day!

Some of my lovers have an open-heart policy with me—we are permanently available to each other, no matter what is going on. We may help each other with business, personal, or family issues (or just the occasional night of great sex). But there is no obligation to always be present and active. These are passive pleasure poly partners, and they are special as hell. I love ladies who are cool to pick up where we left off once we see each other again.

Of course, they operate in tandem with active pleasure poly partners, and those are the more consistent lovers more regularly. I don’t do hierarchy, so I will not ascribe a deeper or higher value to the ones I see more often. Everyone has their moment of presence and elevation, and everyone has their freedom to leave and return at any time. There are so many different kinds of relationships on the poly spectrum—yours may look quite different!

Both active and passive poly partners are a complex and joyful part of my life, and it requires total presence and generous energy to everyone to make sure the passive pleasure providers feel very active and connected when we do meet up.

It’s very important to do the work of balancing when you have many loves in your life. With bank accounts, the day-to-day job may become the main focus, but the money made in your sleep needs care! You get the gist. Spread the wealth like love. Activate your passion!

Adhimu Stewart

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