Polyamory: Pros & Cons

The Dangers of Your Dreams

Here is one of my most genuine confessions: polyamory is great! You can have as many lovers as you want! You can responsibly make love to as many partners as you wish! And you can accept the connections of as many sweethearts as you can possibly consume with your soul! Sounds like paradise, right? Yeah, it is.

Until you have a week like I just did.

I hadn’t heard from a certain partner of mine in a little while, and even though we are both busy, I was sensing something was up. I sent her a message asking if things were good between us. So, next day, this lover sends me a message with an update of good and bad news: yes, things were fine between us, but… no, things weren’t going to continue to be fine between us, since she had chosen to return to being with only women. I totally understood her choice, and accepted her offer to continue being friends. But, that being said: I still had incomplete emotions for her that I wished I was given the opportunity to express and enjoy. We had (and still have) a healthy amount of sexual and intellectual potential… that may now never manifest. It was unfortunate, because we got together through articulating our perfectly positive polyamory principles and presenting each other with the possibility of a plentiful relationship. Which it was for the few months it existed… but all of a sudden, she changed her mind. Which happens in life, you know. So I found out the hard way: the end of our relationship. But it’s okay, because I have other polyamorous partners to go and pour my heart out to, right?


Two days later, I get a message from a goddess who is very possibly the most passionate lover I have ever had the pleasure of connecting with, someone who I wanted to introduce to the other lovely lady that just left my life… and the message says a few personal things about her, while ending off with the ultimate heartbreaker: “I need time apart, and I hope we can be friends in the future.”

Shitsville. Population: Me. Just when I thought I might have someone to comfort my wounds when I’m down, they stomp on my soul!

An apt metaphor came to mind when I was suffering this simultaneous shock: yes, polyamory is the lifestyle where a person can enjoy the luxury of driving three cars instead of one… but that person is also at risk of having a week where they get into THREE-CAR ACCIDENTS instead of just suffering one! It’s a bittersweet bliss to drive your mind insane.

But, there is a happy ending to the story: another lover in my life messaged me and said “pleasure is on the way”. And delivered my double-broken heart some gentle compassion.

So, yes: polyamory is the best. But being the best means sometimes being the worst. Truly.

Be careful what you wish for: you just might get an abundance of it… then lose more than you thought you could gain.

In love (and in pain),
Addi Stewart

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