Online Dating: How to Write a Message that Gets a Response

Online dating is an epic journey. While you need not roam the land looking for love, you still have to search long and hard through countless profiles and prove your metal via impressive messages.

And even though you’re not slaying dragons or knocking knights off of horses, I think we can all agree that getting a lady to respond to you online is challenging! Here are some ways to make it easier.

Tips for Writing First Messages on Dating Sites


While it may save you time and effort to copy and paste a generic greeting, it won’t win you any points with your potential match. Read her profile carefully and craft a personalized message that address the specifics of what she’s shared.

When trying to attract a poly partner, it’s even more important that you tailor your message specifically to her, as she’ll want to know that you’re capable of seeing her as an individual, and not just another woman in a long list of others.

Be Vulnerable

Speaking of what’s valued in the polyverse, the ability to let your feelings out in a coherent way is right up there. Use your online messaging platform to show off these skills by getting real about what you’re looking for and how you think the person you’re communicating with could be a potential match.

Don’t get too deep into it right away—that could constitute a red flag—but do make brief mention of your wants and needs. Emotional bravery is a huge turn-on!

Reveal Your Personality

If you’re funny, try to write a message that will make her laugh! If you’re a serious and intellectual type, include some interesting facts or statistics that will get her thinking.

Don’t forsake who you really are by trying to write a message that you think compliments the tone of her profile. This kind of dishonesty is easy to spot. It’s far better to be yourself. Never assume to know what she’ll find appealing! True chemistry cannot be predicted or manufactured.

Use a No-Pressure Approach

Maintain a friendly and casual vibe when messaging. Even if you think you’ve stumbled across your perfect match, keep this information to yourself. Don’t get too deep into your feelings, or make her feel pressured into meeting with you right away. It’s easy to get over enthusiastic and scare a potential date off, so keep your overwhelming horniness and excitement in check.

Let things develop naturally. When the time is right, you should notice a shift towards making concrete plans for a first date. Maybe she’ll mention an event she wants to attend, or a restaurant she wants to try. That’s when to make your move. (Or, y’know, respond to the move she’s making.)

Edit before Sending

I cannot stress this enough! Proofread all your messages before you send them, not just your initial message but all of them going forward. There are apps out there that check grammar as well as spelling if copy editing isn’t your thing. Get yourself one of these, or ask a trusted friend to check things over.

Once you get more familiar with one another and things are more informal, you can let it slide and reveal it’s not your strong suit. Until then, you want to put your best—most carefully edited—foot forward.

Do you have any first-message tips to share?

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