Facts & Info

Ambiamorous Freedom from the Poly-Mono Divide

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Are you ambiamorous or curious about someone who is?

Did your last date say she is ambiamorous, and you aren’t sure how to interpret that? Are you fulfilled inside a monogamous relationship but feel at home in the poly community?

Maybe you simply dislike constantly defining relationship styles as polyamorous or monogamous and think both are a good fit. Perhaps you believe deep down that both monogamy and polyamory are natural and beneficial, depending on different factors like who you’re dating and when.

If monogamous relationships and polyamory both make sense to you, you might be ambiamorous.

What Does Ambiamorous Mean?

Ambiamorous people are both monogamous and polyamorous at heart. They are comfortable in both lifestyles or relationships, or naturally find themselves in different arrangements.

They don’t avoid dating monogamous lovers or find themselves unable to date monogamously, but polyamory also makes sense.

Depending on who they’re with or the unique needs of a particular relationship, they may be in a one-on-one relationship and enjoy a monogamous commitment without feeling unfulfilled or restless.

And they may date many people at once or live in a polycule without feeling left out or jealous or as if something is missing.

Ambiamory is simply what happens when someone is capable of experiencing and enjoying polyamory or monogamy.

Ambiamory means someone is of both minds. Just as someone who can use their right hand or left hand without one being dominant is ambidextrous, an ambiamorous person doesn’t have a dominant preference for polyamory versus monogamy.

Read: Advice for Poly-Monogamous Couples

Why Ambiamory Makes Sense

Ambiamory makes sense for many people who don’t feel a big divide between polyamory and monogamy. Consider that some people are bisexual. They don’t feel a significant division between same-sex and opposite-sex love. They may be equally attracted to both sexes and able to be in one kind of relationship or the other, rather than needing both.

Some people have been reluctant to identify as either monogamous or polyamorous and follow where love leads. Ambiamory makes sense to them because they don’t feel the desire to make their romantic relationships political, or they don’t feel a pull to a particular lifestyle.

Read: Signs Your Poly Lifestyles Don’t Match Up

Some people feel strongly that monogamy and polyamory are a kind of sexual orientation, but those who don’t think that way find that ambiamory makes sense to them. They can be fulfilled in either type of relationship.

Ambiamory can make sense as a natural flow through life. For ambiamorous people, they may find deep connection with one partner and enjoy the intense focus, while later focusing mostly on work and having lots of sex with different partners. Or they may be involved in multiple relationships, and as those come to a close, they don’t put their energy into replacing and reintegrating partners, and end up in a one on one situation and enjoy staying that way for awhile.

Ambiamory makes sense to many people who are flexible to the needs of their specific partners. Rather than avoiding dating polyamorous people, or avoiding dating monogamous people, they date openly and let new relationships define their lifestyle.

Ambiamory makes sense to some people as they meet the different demands of their schedule throughout life. While raising a family and working, an older friend of mine felt monogamy made the most sense. But after the kids were off at college, she and her husband decided to open the relationship and explore their polyamorous side since they had more time on their hands. When she retired early, it felt natural to date many women and enjoy multiple relationships, and her husband did the same.

Read: Tips for Your First Open Relationship

While many committed partners break up when they choose to date others, this couple was ambiamorous and their relationship is stronger than ever. They are simply in a different time of their life, and it makes sense to enjoy what different life stages have to offer.

Read: Still Deciding? Open Relationship Pros and Cons

Examples of Ambiamory

Someone can be ambiamorous while in a monogamous relationship, or in a polyamorous relationship.

They can practice “monagamish” relationships or have a primary partnership that occasionally opens the bedroom door.

Ambiamorists have many kinds of relationships and structure their relationships around the needs and desires of their partners at the time.

They may prefer to avoid defining and seeking specific relationship structures and “go with the flow” through life and dating.

Monogamous ambiamory is when ambiamorous folks are in a monogamous relationship and are not dating outside of that relationship. They may be in serially monogamous relationships, in one long term monogamous relationship, and still be ambiamorous. They may have had polyamorous relationships in the past, or open to having them again, or they may not have experienced polyamorous relationships but are open to them.

Polyamorous ambiamory is when ambiamorists are in polyamorous relationships. They may be in a hierarchical polyamorous relationship with a primary partner, or they may be solo polygamous, independent polyamorous, or in a polycule. They may be in radical relationship anarchy. They might be swingers, or in an open relationship. They may have had monogamous relationships in the past, or open to them in the future.

Some ambiamorous people enjoy polyamorous relationships in between monogamous relationships. They are looking for a committed monogamous relationship, but enjoy solo polyamory while waiting for the specific connection that they feel comfortable committing to.

Read: What Is Solo Polyamory and Is It for You

Ambiamorous people might be single and not dating or sleeping with anyone, in other words, they are not in a relationship of any kind. They are open to dating and connecting with folks searching for monogamous relationships or with polyamorous lovers. It all depends on the person.

What does ambiamory mean to you? Tell us in the comments below!

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