Why People Hate Polyamory (and How to Deal with Them)

They hate us because they ain’t us! I can’t take haters seriously when they try to say negative things about polyamory in ANY way, shape, or form. Not a SINGLE criticism stands up.

I remain perfectly happy every single night I go to bed knowing that I have the option to have a variety of lovers to share my days and nights with. I am so comfortable knowing that these arrangements and boundaries work perfectly FOR ME, and for all my lovers and paramours who are connected to me in polyamorous and pornographic intimacies.

Read: How Many Partners Do Polyamorists Have?

I can happily report that after two years of radio silence and estrangement, I have reconnected with my epic “pandemic lover.” We successfully enjoyed a night together with drinks and cuddling followed by a chemistry-healing sleepover.

After all the relationship ups and ups and downs I have poured out of my slutty soul here, this was the #1 most challenging relationship but also one of the most passionate. The LOVE was always present, but the TRUST diminished when we couldn’t align our philosophies on polyamory.

Read: Broken Trust in Relationships and How to Fix It

Lo and behold, love hasn’t given up on us yet, and another chapter is being written! I’m so happy to be with her again, as well as to be with my repeated sex party lover, and my many other partners… I adore my life!

Criticism towards polyamory often arises because haters don’t believe what we say and do in our poly lifestyle is REAL. But it is! Some of us CAN listen to our partners talk about the fun times they had with their sex dates, and some of us DO enjoy hanging out with our partner’s friends, or doing favors for them.

Read: 4 Ways to Practice Compersion

Some people hate polyamory because they only know about emotional scarcity, control, manipulation, fear, doubt, and insecurity in their relationships. Those things are not normal to me and rarely make appearances in my reality.

I trust my lovers. I trust polyamory. I trust the condoms I wear. And I trust my heart! But I still have to fight the emotional and social drama that floats around.

Some people are still not advanced enough to allow people to do what thou wilt, and not force monogamy down the throats of those they can’t convince to drink the Basic Relationship Kool-Aid. As if you can’t make your own new flavor mix!

6 Reasons People Hate Polyamory

1. They Think Polyamory Is Selfish

Remember, haters have probably NEVER experienced any kind of moral or honest form of polyamory or open relationship or sexual sharing, so they think you’re being greedy by having your cake and trying to eat theirs too!

They grossly misunderstand polyamory, and that’s not your fault. Face value statistics would illustrate that monogamy is more selfish than polyamory is, by taking that one person all to yourself, ha ha! It’s all perspective, innit?

Tell haters that being with more than one person isn’t being selfish, it just means you have a bigger capacity for passion than a monogamist!

Read: How to Normalize Polyamory and Non-Monogamy

2. Their Relationship Feels Threatened

Hating polyamory sometimes comes from other people’s insecurities about what kind of fun polyamorous people are having. They wouldn’t feel threatened if they were providing the emotional foundation needed to their partner.

If their partner is looking at you because your mojo is glowing, that’s their wandering eye adoring you. Don’t diminish your greatness to make a hater feel stable with their lover. Be your natural self. Let destiny be threatening if monogamy isn’t satisfying.

Read: 6 Alternatives to Monogamy that Don’t Involve Cheating 

3. They Struggle with Jealousy and Insecurity

If a monogamous person is dealing with jealousy and insecurity, it can infuriate them to see poly people sharing partners in an open and loving way. How dare some of us be married and enjoy a secondary partner, or two!

It’s not on you to mop up the mess in Aisle Two when a monogamous couple gets caught up again in their cycle of insecurities. It’s only up to you to neutralize and manage your own jealousy issues. But when you’re balancing five people on your way to poly paradise, you’re too busy to care what THEY think!

Read: 4 Jealousy Triggers & How to Deal

4. They Consider It an Excuse to Cheat

This common misconception is just wrong, and is tied into a basic lack of trust. Monogamous people cheat far more than polyamorous people who are practicing, so I won’t hear that fallacy.

I never cheat, because I don’t have to! I am allowed to be slutty as fuck. What’s a poly hater’s excuse for their dalliances outside their relationship boundaries last weekend?

Read: 4 Common Misconceptions about Poly Relationships

5. Polyamory Clashes with Their Values

You can either be a slut on the field of fuck or be a matrimonial cheerleader on the sidelines! Or somewhere in between, of course. My values are mine, and I don’t expect them to gel with anyone except the people I’m fucking.

We ain’t gotta be cool with people who don’t align with polyamory, we just have to be respectful of those on the other side of the fence. If it’s against their religion, then let them talk with God, Allah, or Jehovah, and find alignment, purpose, and the love light that warms their souls. No one has the right to meddle in our affairs, no pun intended, ha ha.

Read: A Brief History of Polyamory in America

6. They Had a Bad Polyamory Experience

Did the poly haters stop practicing monogamy when they had a bad monogamous experience? Probably not. Did they stop drinking when they had a bad drinking experience? Most likely not. Are they gonna stop having sex because they got one STI? Doubtful.

I never let inconveniences, small or large, stop me from getting my poly pleasure passion play on, and I refuse to let society’s perpetual misconceptions of the polyamory lifestyle poison my trips to paradise that I take so consistently.

Read: Is Polyamory Bad? 6 Reasons It Might Be Bad (for Some People)

Thank you to all my partners who have given me love, commitment, honesty, open communication, and dream fulfillment through all the ups and downs of my 25 years living polyamorous. Thank you to those who didn’t let one bad experience stop us from sharing our hearts and souls like nobody’s business!

When love is here to be made, I automatically, instantly, and immediately stop paying attention to hate and haters, and I focus fully on loving my lovers!

Ignore the haters. Show love and positivity the best you can when they talk shit. “Be water, my friend,” as Bruce Lee said. Never sink to their level. Love yourself and your partners. Rinse, repeat, rejoice!

Read: 6 Benefits of the Polyamory Lifestyle

One last shout out to PolyamoryToday, to all the readers who enjoyed my writing over these past ten years, to all the polyamorous partners I’ve had spectacular sex with, and to all the poly people I’ve yet to give my passionate heart to: I cherish, adore, and love you. And there’s nothing you can ever do to change that.

Now, make Mama Malcolm proud and find yourself fucking in some poly orgy!

Adhimu “Malcolm Lovejoy” Stewart

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