Lying about Your Age in Dating Profiles

I don’t understand why people lie on their dating profiles. If you meet someone you really like and want to get to know them better or possibly get into a relationship with them, the truth is going to come out, isn’t it? And then what? The trust you have built is probably gone, along with your new love interest!

I went on a date recently with a guy I’d met on a dating site. “Tom” sent me a great first message, so I checked out his profile and liked what I saw. He said he was 48 which is in the ten-year range I have in my profile. We met and things were going well. We talked about our online experiences and our families.

I’m into Chinese astrology and looked up his sign before the date. He was a Horse. When I brought this up and told him the Horse was in my affinity triangle, the jig was up. He said he was actually a Rat. He had lied and said he was six years younger.

I know women lie about their age or often keep it a secret, but a man? Why? He said that his friend recommended that he lie because a lot of people’s cut-off age is 50 for who they want to date. And actually that’s mine, but if someone older messages me, I still consider meeting them if I like their profile.

I told him I was somewhat disappointed but understood why he did it. And although it irked me, I decided to put it aside and enjoy the rest of the date. We had a good time, and we even kissed a little (I find this a good way to test chemistry on a first date.)

The next day he texted me to say he had a great time and hoped I did too. For some reason, I didn’t respond right away. In fact I waited a day, mulling things over and deciding it just wasn’t right… part of that was the lie. There were other factors (he was in a “re-building” phase, and at 54, this was a bit of a turn off. If I’m going to date someone substantially older, I want them to have a certain amount of stability.) But the lie just didn’t sit well with me. I thought: I don’t care that he’s 54. I care that he lied. And of course, there’s this thought: if he lied about his age, what else might he be lying about or is he capable of lying about.

Also, I don’t know if he would have told me on the date because I’m the one who accidentally uncovered the truth. Now if you’re just looking for a hookup, then maybe you’re more interested in looks than age and this kind of lie wouldn’t bother you so much. But for those looking for a deeper connection, it’s best to be up front.

Lying about your age in your profile just isn’t worth it. Sure, you may show up in more match searches, but you can also browse and contact anyone who you find interesting. And if your message and profile are great, most people won’t hesitate to respond, even if you are a little older.

Have you lied about your age in a dating profile? Or have you met someone who has? Do you think it’s a big deal?

Truth and Lies in Polyamory Relationships

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