Is the Grass Greener in Polyamory?

No matter what people are doing in life, regardless of how much they love it with all their heart and soul, there are downsides and negatives. There has to be rain to accompany the sunshine. There has to be a bill due at the end of the spending spree. There has to be a post-orgasmic comedown after the orgasm is complete!

So, as it applies to polyamory, there has to be problems in paradise sometimes. Even with the most open-minded, compersion practicing, generous, humble people, there will be a bit of friction or jealousy or insecurity or simply just change at some point… even if it’s years and decades away.

Nothing lasts forever, for better and for worse. But as we navigate the rises and falls, the shifts and switches, the adjustments of emotion that are inherent in polyamory, sometimes people get sick of it all. I’ve had some lovers express that to me, that it’s not easy being with me, since I’m professionally polyamorous, doing pornography, as well as wanting to have more than the typical number of sexual relations (read: I’M SLUTTY and VERY PROUD of it!)

I have heard some people question the whole affair, no pun intended. There always comes a time when the weary woes of polyamory make one wonder if it would be easier to be monogamous, to give up the dream and settle down with one person.

You might see a couple and think they look chill, even though you have no idea of their relationship dynamic—whether their chillness is from not wanting to speak to each other, or if they are happy together ostensibly, but one of them (if not both) would be dying to do something poly for a night, if not more permanently.

The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence, when you don’t know the intricacies of someone else’s relations. As I highlighted, some people are more polyamorous than others, so being with someone who enjoys six partners while the other person enjoys three will clearly cause some sort of emotional and/or sexual imbalance in some way or another, and it will require more communication and negotiation to navigate the difference. It’s possible, but it just requires getting in the dirt.

The solution isn’t to abandon polyamory and go sleep with the neighbor in their backyard. The solution is invite the neighbor over, and work it out with your lover as well! That’s polyamory at its finest. Not easy, but well worth the sweat.

Addi Stewart

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