I was discussing levels of connection and relationship with one of my lovers recently, and she said something that was so real and so basic—something that is taken for granted by a few people, whether they’re in this situation or not.
She is someone who sought out this situation and doesn’t overlook its importance if and when it is presented to her. Anyways, the statement went a little something like so:
“If you live with your partner, you already have time scheduled to see them…”
When I heard that, a bell went off in my head like DING! And another bell went Rrrrrrring because it set off the alarm as to why one of my other heavenly lovers was having a struggle with my ever-shifting lifestyle and constantly evolving schedule. I’m an artist, a porn actor, and a musician who lives alone.
I don’t have the typical 9-to-5 schedule to offer a lover like, “Come see me any evening you have free. I’m good after rush hour.” Meeting up with me can be like gambling with your time and sexual energy! Not that I want to make it challenging, god no. Its just not easy to align time frames when no two weeks or days look the same in a month… and this can shift things in poly relationships.
So, I thought about the lover who sought to have more sleepovers and co-habitation, and realized she was onto something smart. The best of both worlds is to have as many overnights, breakfasts, dinners, and real bonding moments as possible, while also maintaining one’s freedom as best as possible, which for me involves living by my lonesome.
I still like sleepovers and women visitors coming through my door! I just need some me time occasionally!
How do you feel about living with your poly lovers? And does that distinction change things for you? Share your feelings!