After finishing up a topless photo shoot recently, I had a dapper young man ask me a few slightly askew questions like, “How can I do poly the way you do it?” This made me reflect in ways that I never have done in my life thus far. It was refreshing!
He asked, “How do you maintain having ten lovers?” I replied with the simple solution I have spoken about here before: I see my lovers like a garden.
Different lovers are different flowers. There are roses, chrysanthemums, daisies, tulips, daffodils, and other exotic foliage that have no English names, heh heh. Each one of these flowers requires different amounts of sunlight, water and nutrients, conversation (yeah, talking to flowers is a thing… the metaphor is apt!) and levels of physical interaction—getting your hands dirty in the soil of connection!
Tending to each different flower will allow your garden to grow healthy and nice, and doing the same for multiple lovers will allow multiple relationships to co-exist simultaneously.
I am in the midst of a relationship renaissance. It’s some of the best joy I’ve ever known in my life, and there’s no signs of things slowing down any time soon! It was wonderful to be able to reflect on 2017 and think: almost all the lovers who I had at the beginning of the year are still with me at the end, plus a few other new angels; and this is because of the consistent attention to each and every one.
The garden is flourishing! This young man also asked, “Is it hard to have patience with them?” I answered that easily, because one of the real benefits of polyamory is being able to allow each relationship to grow at its own speed, and not needing to rush or force any lovers to be sexual or intimate when I desire it most. I can say “No problemo” because I have other lovers who I’m being sexual with or have the option to be intimate with, so I need not pressure anyone else for anything else.
A monogamous guy who has been dating a single woman for weeks and who is excited for his first chance with her might feel pressure and desire to make something happen, even if she is on a different trajectory, because all bets are on her. Sigh, that must be so difficult to deal with, if one has a larger than singular appetite for passion.
So there we have it: a resurrection of old lessons for new listeners, and a good experience sharing wisdom with new poly people!
Sincerely,
Addi Stewart
What was your 2017 poly life like? Share some thoughts in the comments, or ask some questions—I’ll answer anything!
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