As the immortal saying goes: “There’s levels to this shit!” You know, some people are kinda-sorta-pseudo polyamorous, and they have a primary partner they do everything with, then maybe flirt a little on a dating website, and once in a blue moon go on a second date with someone, possibly kiss them or not, and then come back home to their comfortable connection to their primary partner.
They are poly, but so am I. I am personally in the pleasurable position of navigating between over ten different sexual-emotional-social relationships with as much depth and desire as each one requests and requires. I’m super-duper-uber poly, and it’s only getting better!
Many details differentiate the dealings between people. But the one thing that really separates passionate sexual meaningful relationships from REALLY passionate sexual relationships that are weighed with even more than traditional connection are sleepovers.
When someone trusts another person enough to allow them to not only sleep with them in their bed, but also SLEEP OVERNIGHT with them in their bed things have gone to the next level. There are a variety of factors that go into a relationship reaching this point, and some poly relationships go months, if not years, without ever having a level-up of trust and intimacy like this.
Not to judge anyone, but I enjoy when a relationship wants to get this close. I don’t mind being distant enough to go a few months without feeling like things are over—that’s a great space to achieve with poly—but when a lover is like, “the sex was too good… how about I just crash here tonight, even though we didn’t plan for it to happen,” I feel so jazzed it’s unreal.
Thoughts like, Will they have a shower the next day? Will you join them in said shower? Will they have a toothbrush? Will you eat breakfast together? and How often will these sleepovers happen? begin to pop up, and you start to determine what you want in your poly world.
I just enjoyed a two-day sleepover with a lover, and it was a marvelous way to strengthen the relationship and deepen the connection. We learned things about each other that made everything better. And if you can survive the sleepover without your lover driving you nuts or having an argument over some petty (or serious) shit, then you’re in a great situation!
It may mean you could actually live together… but that’s not the goal here. Sleepovers are enough for poly folks like me.
Sincerely yours,
Addi Stewart
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